Page 183 of North Queen
“Please, Salara. Tell me.”
She shook her head. “I can’t live like this, with this violence. Or with you thinking I’m weak because I value human life.”
His eyes moved back and forth between hers. “I don’t think you’re weak.”
“But that’s what you said.”
“I was afraid.”
She stilled.
He drew closer. “I was afraid because I’d been so close to losing you.” Ever so gently, he pulled her hand up to his face, cupping her fingers against his cheek and kissing her palm. “I can’t lose you.”
In front of the world, he was cold and dark, threatening. He was the Shadow King. Impossible to love. But with her, the darkness fell away. He was Mikael. Impossible to hate.
She shook her head. “Don’t do that.”
He frowned. “Don’t do what?”
“Don’t make me stop being angry at you. I need to be angry.” If she wasn’t angry, then she would be accepting of the darkness, and she couldn’t be accepting.
A low rumble came from his chest. “Have you not been angry long enough?”
“No!” Him trivializing her emotion only brought it to the surface again. These things were serious. People’s lives were serious.
His brow bent. “Will it be forever?” His words came at barely a whisper. It wasn’t patronizing but a question steeped in longing and worry. And it disarmed her.
“Just longer” was all she could manage to get out. Except there was nolonger. Any anger she’d struggled to hang on to slipped from her grasp.
“All right,” he whispered.
She let out a breath, and an ease came between them again. There was a rawness about him now, a vulnerability. And he was still so close. His warmth permeated her barriers and pulled her in. She found herself leaning in, and he dropped his head to hers.
But she put a firm hand on his chest. “No.”
He stopped. His lips were so close to hers, but they didn’t touch. Then he nodded, relenting.
“I can’t trust you,” she whispered. “It makes me afraid.”
And while she told herself she was afraid of him, it wasn’t just him. She feared herself. This wasn’t about who Mikael was. This was about who she was—something that still escaped her. Could she be who she wanted and still feel for this man?
His mouth opened to speak, but no words came. His eyes searched hers. “I’m salar. These aren’t easy decisions for me.”
His brow stitched, and she leaned back. “Really? Because they seem to come quite easily. And I’m salara. They’re my decisions too.” She paused, trying to slow the sudden rush of frustration. “You don’t rule alone.”
He quieted again.
“You have to talk to me,” she told him, “before you act. We decide together.”
He nodded again. “I can do that.”
He could do that. She softened. That wouldn’t solve all their problems, but if he talked to her…
A calm returned, and her spirits rose. She’d missed him, and to be near him again, to have gained some understanding between them, relieved her. They continued through the library.
Mikael followed her, holding her selection of books as she pulled them from the shelves.
“Do you need all these?” he asked. “You can always come back for more.”
