Page 173 of North Queen
“The longing sickness?”
“The sickness in wanting for one’s home,” he answered. “We were at war back then. She couldn’t return. My grandfather built this place to house the green of Japheth’s Colored Valley. He and a few of his best soldiers snuck into Japheth and stole greens from the royal gardens to bring here.”
“That’s incredible,” she breathed.
“Yes, it is.” He gave a small smile.
“Did it take the longing sickness away?” she asked.
“Probably not entirely, but she had a great love for it, and she was happy.”
Norah breathed in deeply, closing her eyes and letting the scents and light take her away.
“Do you have the longing sickness?” he asked softly.
She missed Mercia, but longing? It wasn’t that deep. Norah’s stomach knotted, and guilt tugged at her heart. She still hadn’t told him she’d lost her memories. She hadn’t told him when he’d asked her where she had been the years she was gone. And he hadn’t pressed her more. Perhaps he felt she didn’t want to tell him.
“I can’t bring you the North—its cliffs, its rocks, its winter,” he said as he plucked a flower from the small bush beside her and stepped closer, “but this place isn’t Kharav.” He held the flower out for her. “And perhaps you might look to come here instead of your sanctuary. Here, where I would be able to visit you.”
Norah felt a wave of emotion at his tenderness. She took the blossom from his hand and breathed in its sweet fragrance. “It’s beautiful,” she said.
He smiled. “So are you.”
“Mikael, there’s something I need to tell you.” She spun the small flower between her fingers. “You once asked me where I’d been those years that I was gone from Mercia.”
He stood quietly, waiting.
“The truth is, I don’t know. My memories were taken in the time I was lost. I, um… I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
His brow dipped, and his lips parted. But he didn’t speak.
The words just tumbled out of her. “I don’t know what happened. The only thing I remember is waking in the Wild. By some miracle I was found, but then I became queen of Mercia, betrothed to King Phillip, and was expected to war against an enemy—you—all of whom I didn’t know.”
He remained silent, and her pulse quickened. She should have told him sooner. She wanted to make this marriage work—not just the marriage, but whatever it was that was growing between them—and she didn’t want secrets.
“Everyone expected all these things from me. There are expectations still.” She took a breath. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. I’m just trying to figure things out as I go. And all I have is how I feel.”
He only stared at her, and she shrunk inside, silently begging him to say something.
Anything.
He let out a long breath and took her hand. Her heart beat faster.
“Maybe that’s all you need,” he said finally, and gave a small smile. “Salara, the woman I see knows exactly who she is and what she wants.”
His words surprised her. “You’re not upset I didn’t tell you?”
Mikael shook his head. “I’m realizing my luck. If you hadn’t lost your memories, I seriously doubt you would have wed me.”
The realization hit her that he might be right. “All this time, I thought it was a curse. But now, I wonder if it’s been a blessing, to help me see past emotions that would’ve otherwise clouded my judgment.” She raised her eyes to his. “I don’t want secrets between us. Not when I feel for you the way I do now.”
He pulled her closer as he reached up and brushed her face, gazing down at her. “And how is it you feel?” he asked.
Norah swallowed. Why couldn’t she say it?
“I hope it’s the same as I feel for you,” he said softly.
“You can kiss me now,” she whispered.
