Page 50 of With Love, from Cold World
Finally she set them down, stepping away from the table with an officious air. “And the winner is...”
There was no anticipation to it. Asa knew who it would have to be. He just found himself watching Lauren’s face, wondering how she’d react once her name was called.
Lauren fingered the rose pendant around her neck, rubbing her thumb against it. She didn’t look at Asa, but somehow thatnotlooking felt more pointed than any direct attention could’ve been. He knew she wanted to. He could feel it, pulling taut between them like an invisible string.
“Lauren!”
Chapter
Fifteen
By the time Lauren came home to her apartment, tossing her keys on the counter and sorting through her mail, it felt like a lifetime had passed since that morning when she’d woken up on the floor of her office with Asa.
He’d gotten up first, which meant there was a good chance he’d seen her with drool on her face or in some other compromising position. But by the time she sat up, turning off her phone alarm, he was already folding up his blankets and setting her office back to rights. The potted ficus was still strung up with Christmas lights and ornaments, there were pieces of tinsel on the floor, and probably somewhere on her desk was the crumpled list from where they’d been playing their game, although she hadn’t been able to find it.
She didn’t know what to say or how to act around him, so she’d settled for not saying much at all. But then he’d kissed her.
That quick, emphatic kiss had put her in a daze all day. What did it mean? Was it an ending... or a beginning? And which did Lauren want it to be?
She was overthinking it. Asa had probably forgotten about the whole thing by now. He’d even facilitated the contest thathad led to her winning a date with Daniel—a feat that only a few days ago she would’ve been over the moon about. But she’d had trouble concentrating on it at all, had struggled all day to focus on much of anything.
It had been a late night, and a long day. She was exhausted.
She looked first for whether there was anything from the accounting program where she’d applied for grad school, even though she was pretty sure they did all notifications by email now. Most of the mail was the usual coupon packs and glossy flyers, but there was an envelope from Miss Bianca. She sliced it open with her finger, smiling down at the picture of a llama wearing a festive scarf,fa-la-la-llama!printed across the top in block letters.
She opened it, although she already knew what it would say. Miss Bianca’s annual Christmas card often said a variant of the same thing, and even though it was a relatively short message, it always meant a lot to Lauren.
Thinking of you, and hope you’re happy and healthy.
xo MB
Miss Bianca probably bought the cards in a hundred-pack and sent one to each of the many kids who’d passed through her home over the years, even the angry twelve-year-old who’d lived there for a few months, who’d been removed after threatening Lauren with a knife. Eddie reminded her of that boy a little bit, although as far as she knew he was adjusting much better to his placement. It was something around the eyes, a toughness barely masking an almost desperate fear.
After advocating for Eddie to have more visits with his mom, she was supposed to meet the woman for the first time next week. Eddie’s caregiver was dropping him off at ColdWorld, and then his mom and the caseworker would arrive for one of the biweekly visits. It had seemed like a good idea when Lauren had set it all up—she was able to get them all in for free after using the complimentary employee guest passes she’d never taken Dolores up on before. She’d get to see Eddie and his mom interact, would hopefully get to strengthen her relationships with both Eddie and his caseworker.
But now, when all she wanted to do was sleep, the prospect seemed daunting.
Lauren placed Miss Bianca’s card on the bookshelf in her bedroom, the only nod to any Christmas decor in her entire apartment.
She’d just collapsed back on her bed, trying to find the energy to do anything, when her phone buzzed from her purse. She thought about letting it go, but it wasn’t like she got that many texts—for all she knew, it could be important.
It was Kiki.Is the date tonight?
Asa had filled Kiki in on the stakes for the gift-wrapping contest after she’d declared Lauren the winner. It was clear that Kiki was psyched to have had a role in helping Lauren along whatever burgeoning thing was happening with Daniel, and if she was a little confused because she’d thought they already had a date, at least she didn’t say anything that would make it awkward.
But Lauren had left work with no definitive plans, which was fine. She didn’t have it in her to even think about getting all dressed up, having to smile and try not to be her usual awkward self all night at some nice restaurant with Daniel. A date with him had been her fantasy for so long, but tonight she’d rather have a date with her bed.
No, Lauren typed back to Kiki, but the single word looked plain all by itself, so she added a crying emoji afterward. Alittle overdramatic, but oh well. There wasn’t really an emoji that properly conveyed ambivalence.
Kiki’s message popped up a few seconds later.We’re about to watch the best Christmas movie ever made. Wanna come over?
It’s been a long—Lauren started to type, then deleted it.What movie?she typed, but then deleted before sending that one, too. Finally she just typedSounds fun. See you soon!
•••
The issue, Lauren learned once she got there, was that they hadn’t actually decidedwhichChristmas movie was the best ever made. Elliot was making a passionate case forIt’s a Wonderful Life, John was a surprisingly large fan ofElf, and Kiki hadLove, Actuallyalready up on the screen, pressing play before Elliot grabbed the PlayStation controller and turned it off again.
“You’re trying to get away with it because Asa’s not here to stop you,” Elliot said. “But we arenotwatching that movie again.”
