Page 25 of With Love, from Cold World
“Despite what the Cure might lead you to believe, boysdocry.”
He was joking, trying to make her smile. But he realized he was cutting a little close to the bone, too. After what John had said, he didn’t really want to do more of this dance with her, where he feinted around her questions or played things off. At the same time, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to get into a heavy conversation about things like the last time he’d cried or why.
“Does this mean that much to you?”
Another Pandora’s box of a question. He realized that it did, but he couldn’t fully articulate the reason. He wasn’t generally a competitive person—although Lauren seemed to bring it out in him—but that wasn’t what was spurring him on. Something to do with giving back to Cold World, and to Dolores, and with proving something to himself.
“Nah,” he said. “I won’t break down if she chooses your idea. Don’t worry. I’d just get back to work.”
She was quiet for a minute. The crab had been still for solong Asa wondered if it knew they were there and was playing dead. He didn’t know the etiquette of finding a hermit crab on the beach. Did you just let it chill where it was, let nature take its course? Or should you move it to a safer spot, like a turtle in the middle of the road? He was about to bring it up to Lauren when she spoke again.
“I’d probably quit,” she said.
“You’dquit?” The words sent a spike of some emotion through him that he didn’t care to analyze. “That’s a bit extreme.”
“I don’t mean it like that,” she said. “Not like a rage quit or anything. It’s more like... I have other goals, I guess. And if I had an opportunity to do something bigger at Cold World and it didn’t work out, I’d take that as a sign that maybe it was time to move on.”
He didn’t know what to say. He could ask more about what those goals were, but something about the way Lauren drew her knees up tighter to her chest, the way her face got closed off and remote, made him think that she was done sharing. Knowing her, she probably regretted sharing that much with him already.
“I think we should move him,” she said, tilting her chin toward the crab’s shell. “Just put him by those rocks, where there are fewer people.”
“I agree,” he said. “You do the honors.”
She picked up the shell delicately between two fingers, her face scrunching up in an almost-smile when the crab’s legs flicked out for a second, brushing her hand. He followed her to the rocks, where she placed the crab down into the sand. It immediately came out to scuttle away from them, as if it were under attack. Couldn’t blame the guy.
“Are you still thinking tacos?” he asked, glancing back upat where the others were sunbathing on their towels. “Anything but crab.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Definitely not crab. But you go ahead and eat without me. I really should get back and finish up some stuff.”
She’d driven an hour to hang out for maybe thirty minutes. According to Kiki, tacos had beenherlunch suggestion. She’d never even gotten down to her bathing suit, which Asa had to admit with a little zip of awareness was something he’d been looking forward to.
Not to ogle her or anything. Just because it would be interesting to see Lauren Fox in something that far removed from the cardigans and tights she wore for the over-refrigerated environment that was Cold World. Just because he couldn’t seem to stop himself staring at her legs, that dip right behind her knee. Just because from the ties that hung down from around her neck, he couldn’t tell if her bikini was more grass green or teal, if it had a pattern or was solid.
He hung back while she said goodbye to everyone. Kiki’s gaze darted to him, likeWhat did you do?, but he just shook his head.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he said.
“You don’t have to,” Lauren said, gesturing toward the lot barely visible through the hill of beach grass behind them. “I’m just over there.”
But he let Kiki know he’d catch up with them at the taco truck and fell into step next to Lauren. She was normally a fast walker, but now she was moving at a more leisurely pace. It was probably just the effect of walking on sand, but he was glad to have a little more time to think about what he wanted to say.
“So I guess tomorrow it’s back on. Daniel is coming in for the budget meeting, right?”
“Yes,” she said. “Which, again, your presence isnotrequired at.”
“We’ll see.”
She rounded on him. He wished he could see her eyes, but they were covered by those ridiculous sunglasses. “If you care so much about this opportunity, why aren’tyouat home working on your proposal? You can hang out at the beach all day with your friends, but it’s not going to get you any closer to beating me, if that’s what you want so bad.”
A sharp, jagged sensation lodged in his chest, like a sand bur had found its way there. “It’s not the worst thing in the world, to have friends. You should try it sometime.”
She flinched back like he’d hit her. “I have a full and complete life, thank you very much. Maybe it doesn’t look like anything toyou, because it’s not flashy or oriented around my own personal pleasure, but it’s mine.”
His ownpleasure? Asa could argue with that characterization. What he did at Cold World was a job, after all, even if it didn’t seem to be one she respected much. It paid his bills. It wasn’t like he sat around doing nothing all day. And even if he did, what business was it of hers?
They’d reached her car. He recognized it from the number of times he’d seen it in the Cold World lot, there before his on weekdays, conspicuously absent from its usual spot on weekends.
“So you have a cushy office job,” he said, “where you get to work regular hours and sneak in a little online shopping when you feel like it. That doesn’t make your life more legitimate than mine. And what do you have against pleasure, anyway? If I’m going on this random, bizarre trip around the sun over and over, the least I can do is figure out a way to have fun while I do it. What’s the problem with that?”
