Page 96 of Lead Me On
“These guys asked if I wanted to go to a real party down in Denver, and I was so damn ready to get out of this town and have some real fun. I hopped into their car at midnight and left town without thinking once about my family or my safety or who these guys were.”
Chase rubbed his hand over his skull, hoping it would relieve some pressure. “Jesus.” She stood still now, but Chase suddenly found himself pacing, prowling across the length of the room.
“We went to their house in downtown Denver. They had pills and beer and I was so high, I was happy to do anything, you know? Ididdo anything. I had sex with three guys. In the same room, at the same time. That’s who I was, Chase.” Her voice had been quiet, but it rose now, tears shining on her pale cheeks. “That’s who I was! And I deserved everything anyone ever said about me. I deserved it when girls called me a skank and whore, and when boys grabbed me and asked when they could get their next blow job.”
“Jane.”
He wrapped his hand around her arm and tried to hug her, but she shoved him away. “That’s who I was and I can’t bear to have anyone think that about me again!”
“They won’t,” he whispered, tugging her back before she could escape. “They won’t think that.” He folded her into his arms and squeezed too tightly.
“I just want a boring life that no one looks beyond,” she said, her voice muffled by his chest. “That average woman who fades into the background. I don’t want anyone to know what’s inside. Ever. Andyouknow what’s inside. I can’t be around you.”
He pressed a kiss to her hair. “You’d rather be with someone who doesn’tknowyou?”
“Yes!”
“What kind of life is that, Jane?”
“It’s… It will be peaceful. Andgood.”
“No, it won’t.” God, her whole body was shaking like a live wire. “It will be a sham.”
Chase led her to the couch. He lay down and pulled her on top of him. Holding her, stroking her hair, he waited for her shaking to stop. Eventually her body started to melt into his. The rough sound of her breath began to smooth at the edges.
“Did they hurt you?”
She gave a watery laugh. “Not really. I took care of that myself. But the next day they kept saying they’d take me home. Then all of a sudden it was getting dark again, and they said, ‘Hey, don’t worry. We’ve got a few friends coming over who want to party with you. We’ll take you home tomorrow.’ I panicked, and I snuck out. But I was in Denver. I didn’t know anybody, didn’t know what to do, so I just wandered around for a few hours until I finally got picked up by a cop.”
“Thank God.”
“I was so tired and freaked out, I told him what had really happened. I honestly believed he was going to help me, you know?”
Chase felt his relief vanish at her disgusted huff of laughter. “What do you mean?”
“He wasn’t exactly sympathetic. He took me back to the station and called Mac to tell him I was going to be charged with solicitation if I wasn’t picked up by morning.”
“Solicitation?” Chase barked.
He felt Jane nod against his chest. “He told Mac…” Her breath hitched. “He called Mac in front of me and stared right in my face while he talked. He said, ‘I found your daughter walking the street. She admits she had sex with three men last night in exchange for drugs. Come get her or I’ll charge her with prostitution.’ I wanted to die. I didn’t… I never wanted Mac to know that.”
Eyes wide with shock, Chase stroked her back.
“He came. And I was so ashamed. He didn’t say a thing at first. He just started driving. When the sun started coming up, he pulled over, flipped the visor down and said, ‘Look at yourself.’”
“Classic dad move,” Chase whispered, hoping to make her laugh.
She did. Just a soft huff of laughter, but her spine relaxed a bit.
“It worked. I looked at myself, and I was a mess, and I knew he didn’t doubt what the cop had told him. I looked hard and sad and used. I told him it had all been a mistake. That I hadn’t meant to end up with those guys. And then Mac started talking. He never talks. But that day he talked, slow and quiet. He talked about how much he wanted to do right by me, how much he loved me.”
She paused to swallow hard. “He said he knew that my dad had hurt me and how mad I was at my mom. He said, ‘You throw your mom’s decisions in her face, but she tried. She tried. And all you’re trying to do is ruin yourself so you can prove she did a bad job.’”
“Ouch.”
Her hand rubbed his upper arm, back and forth in little strokes. “He didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t berate me. But he stopped at the hospital in Vail and told them I needed to talk to a doctor in private. He took care of me, Chase. And sometime during that drive I realized I did have a real father. I’d done nothing to make him proud and everything to push him away. I’d beenawfuland hestillloved me.”
“Is that what changed you?”
