Page 86 of Scheme
“I’d always been the ugly duckling, you see. This obsession with makeup and how I present myself was imposed on me from a very young age. I never left the house without being ‘done up’ to my parents’ satisfaction.” I bounced Lincoln a few times, brushing soggy crumbs off his chin with my thumb. “We went swimming once, a group of us. Fraser’s parents have a pool. I got myself all glammed up as usual, and I tried not to get my face wet, but we were having fun, and I guess I got distracted.”
My words tumbled into each other as I rushed to get the story out, humiliation-induced nausea churning away steadily in my gut.
“Anyway, my makeup was wrecked, and my hair looked like… wet hair, and obviously my scent—always by far my most, perhaps only appealing feature—was smothered by the chlorine.”
“You tricked me.”
I finally gathered up the courage to meet Kit’s dark gaze. “Anyway, it doesn’t bear dwelling on. Fraser ended our courtship that night, claimed I’d used my scent totrickhim into being attracted to me, and promptly started courting my then-sixteen-year-old sister. He waited two years until Layla’s first heat hit, went into her nest with her, and came out mated and an expectant father.”
“By which time, you’d already left.”
“Oh yes. I was long gone by then, happily settled at uni.”
“And your parents?” Kit pressed. “What did they think of all this?”
“As I said, they were very fond of Fraser and his family, so they were relieved that he chose to stick around and make a play for Layla instead. My father told me not to ruin my sister’s happiness with my sulking, pointed out that Fraser had always been miles out of my league anyway, and that was the last we ever spoke of it.”
I shrugged, not wanting Kit to think I was upset about it. Iwasn’t, not really. There was nothing in the world I’d trade to be in Layla’s place. Before her heat had arrived, I’d offered to help her move to London if she wanted to escape and told her that I’d always love her no matter what.
She’d responded by telling me I was a jealous bitch, and that Fraser was humiliated that he’d ever so much as glanced at me. So that was that. The only time I heard from her these days was when she needed something. Usually, a babysitter.
“Anyway, that’s enough ancient history. Let’s head in. I’d really like to say happy birthday to Nana. I inherited the sickly face and lank hair from her, so she’s always had a soft spot for me,” I said, attempting to joke though it landed completely flat.
“Margot,” Kit said in a low warning voice, gently grabbing my elbow. “I know I said you could tell your parents whatever you wanted about us today, but I’d really like you to tell them that you’re inviting me into your nest. I want everyone here to know that you’re not alone, that you’ll never be alone again, and if they fuck with you, they’re fucking with me.”
“Fuck,” Lincoln repeated with perfect clarity.
“Fudge!” I said loudly, looking at Kit with wide-eyed panic. “Lincoln, he was saying ‘fudge’. Can you say ‘fudge’? Fuuuudge.”
“Fuck,” Lincoln chirruped, yanking on my necklace.
“Margot!” I stiffened at the sound of my mother’s voice from the kitchen. “Margot, where are you?”
“This is a disaster,” I muttered, laughing somewhat hysterically to myself as I grabbed Kit’s arm and pulled him down the hallway. “We are not done with this conversation, but my fragile self-esteem will be in ribbons if I spend even five minutes with my mother.”
Kit growled, sounding like he’d very much like us to stay in place so he could give her a piece of his mind, but let me tug him along anyway. It made me love him just that little bit more.
He was letting me take the lead.
“Where are we going?”
“To see Nana. Mum’s scared of her, she won’t follow us there.”
“Fuck,” Lincoln said calmly.
“That about sums it up,” I mumbled, hoisting him higher up on my hip as I led Kit through the halls and around the edges of one of the reception rooms that led out to the back garden.
With each step I took, carrying Fraser and Layla’s child who I’d maybe met once, with Kit walking as close to my side as he could without tripping me up, a strange sense of calm descended over me.
No, not strange.
Not at all, actually.
It was the same sense of calm confidence that I carried around with me each day when I went to work, when I ran errands for the Clarksons, and spent time with Michelle, and went to yoga with Violet.
Because that’s who Iwas.
I was a calm, confident,capablewoman. It was only this place, these people, that made me feel like I wasn’t.
