Page 54 of The Accomplice
Bloch released him, and they backed out of the apartment.
‘What is he talking about ?’ said Bloch, in the hallway.
‘I know the song. It’s a close harmony, acapella-type thing. It’s called “Mr. Sandman.” ’
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
EDDIE
The world’s media was outside the Criminal Courts Building. I saw trucks from the BBC, Bloomberg, France 24 and some I couldn’t even read. They were all jostling for position with the rest of the US networks. The Sandman was big news. And his wife going on trial attracted a lot of attention.
Harry and I used the side entrance to the courthouse, the one reserved for DAs and courthouse employees. We knew the security detail well enough for them to let us in without much hassle. We went up to the eighth floor in the elevators and saw a tightly packed crowd of reporters in the hallway. Nothing to do but put our heads down and push through.
Somehow, Harry got to the door of the courtroom before me, he must’ve been able to push around the crowd from the sides, and he grabbed my hand and hauled me inside just as the court usher closed the door behind us.
I’ve walked into a lot of courtrooms, in a lot of high-pressure trials, but this was different. I could feel the weight of the air as I breathed. My left hand wouldn’t stop shaking. The thought of Kate, maybe bound, definitely frightened, wondering if we were going to save her …
I felt like I wanted to throw up.
For years, I practiced alone. Just me. No secretary, no employees, no associates, no partner. Because sometimes the heat from my cases put me in the crosshairs of dangerous people. And I didn’t want anyone around me to get caught in the crossfire. Those close to me are always looking over their shoulders. Part of the reason Christine and I broke up was my line of work. I made the choice to protect my family by distancing myself. I didn’t want that life for my wife and child. By the time I realized I’d made the wrong choice, and I should get a regular lawyer job, it was too late. I’d lost them both.
Then came Harper. A woman I’d loved. And I never got to tell her. She died because of me. Because I tried to help someone. I still woke up in the night, breathless, sweating, from a dream where I am running to Harper’s house, and she’s still alive.
But I know it’s too late. That I’ll never make it.
And now I’d made the same mistakes all over again.
Kate was in the hands of a madman because of me.
I felt dizzy. My hand shot out to one of the benches to steady myself.
That’s when I felt Harry grabbing me around the waist. Slipping his shoulder under mine.
‘Come over here, to the corner,’ he said.
We ambled to the end of the gallery, away from the clerks and the rest of the courtroom staff. In trials with a large media presence, the court officers usually let the lawyers have the room to themselves for a while before the proceedings begin. There’s nothing about this in the rules, it’s just become a convention.
I sat down on the bench. I didn’t want to sit near the defense table. I couldn’t. Not yet. The world was shifting, my stomach was turning and I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t breathe.
‘Eddie, take it easy. You’re having a panic attack,’ said Harry.
‘It’s my fault. I should never have partnered up with Kate. Harry, she’s so young. I can’t—’
‘I’m feeling it too. She’s like a daughter to me. So, you have to get it together. There’s a way out of this. We can save her.’
‘I can’t—’
‘Youcan. We can. This is not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. But you have to fix this. Kate is alive and we have to keep it that way. You’ve got to get a hold of yourself and get your head in the game. Because if you don’t, Kate is not going to make it.’
I closed my eyes, put my head back.
It felt like all the mistakes I’d made in my life were stacking up around me, ready to topple over right onto my head.
I thought about what Kate would do if the situation was reversed – if I was the one who was trapped and Kate had to fight to save me.
The answer was clear. I admired Kate. She was smarter and stronger than almost anyone I’d ever met. I knew exactly what she would do. She would grit her teeth, remember that she was from Edgewater New Jersey, and that nobody fucks with Kate Brooks.
I held that thought, breathed it in. I had no doubt now that wherever she was, she was going to fight back. She was going to survive. I just had to be as strong as she was.
