Page 22 of His Best Friend's Widow
“It’s just kind of a big deal.” Hailey bit her lip.
Landon sank onto the stool, put his hands on the counter, and leaned close. “Do you need to prepare me?”
“I guess so. You can think about it for about two minutes until she comes in here.” Hailey kept her voice low. “There’s a daddy daughter dance at school, and she wants you to go with her.” She couldn’t look up to see his face. It was too much. “A lot of girls go with someone besides their dad, because of different situations. I asked her if she wanted to go with Grandpa maybe, and she said she would rather go with you. But he can take her if you don’t want to, really it’s fine. I know you have a lot going on, and you really don’t have to do this if…”
“Hailey,” Landon interrupted her.
She looked up at him, her heart pounding like a bass drum, and found him grinning. “Yeah?”
“Why are you saying that? I can’t believe she wants me to go. I’m honored, and, of course, I will take her.”
There it was again, that feeling of relief mixed with total fear. “Okay, but only if you’re sure. It’s just little girls dressing up. They play music, and there’s some snacks. I don’t think you even have to stay too long. A lot of her friends are going, so you might not even have to entertain her too much.”
Landon reached across the counter and put his hand on her arm. “Don’t worry. I’m happy to go. Just send me the date, and I’ll put it on my calendar.”
“It’s Saturday night,” Hailey said, putting her hand to her chest, desperate to quiet the sound of her heart.
“Oh, that’s soon.”
“I know. I’m sorry. She didn’t say anything about it until now. I thought maybe she wouldn’t want to go, without…” She stopped herself from saying his name.
“Without Kyle,” Landon finished for her with a whisper.
“Yes.”
He nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. I’m glad that she wants to go. And if she wants me to take her, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Hailey nodded and forced a smile before she turned back to get plates from the cabinet. The kids ran in and started talking excitedly to Landon, giving her a minute to collect herself while she set the table.
Kyle would be happy that Landon was the one to take Charlotte to the dance, wouldn’t he? And if something came up, Grandpa could just take her. It would be fine. She tried to convince herself to let it go and not worry.
As if on cue, Charlotte ran over to her. “Mom! Landon said he will go with me to the dance!”
“Yay, sweetie, that’s wonderful. You two will have so much fun.”
“We have to pick out my dress.”
“Yes, we do, we’ll work on that later. Right now, it’s time to come eat.”
Hailey listened to the kids chattering away, but she couldn’t focus on the words. Landon seemed to be handling it, so she nodded and said, “Mmhmm,” a few times. She tried to put a name to what she was feeling. She wasn’t exactly sad, but she wasn’t happy. She was somewhere in a weird middle, and inside she felt as if her world was tipped on its side.
When Kyle died, it was completely upside down. She knew how she felt every moment. Sad. Broken. Grief stricken.
What was it they said, time would heal? She didn’t feel healed, but maybe she was starting to learn how to walk forward without being in complete sadness.
A quiet whisper in her soul said that was the beginning of healing.
With Landon handling the kids, she stood suddenly and excused herself to her room. She managed to hold it together until she got there. Closing the door, she put her hand against it and leaned her forehead on her hand.
Taking deep breaths in and out was a chore. The pain of loss often came in waves, but this was different.
As the tears slid down her cheeks, she realized what it was. It was still part of the loss. A part she never knew could be so terrible. She was sad that she had been able to be happy.
Over the last month, Landon had lightened her load. He had taken Carter to practice, helped with the kids at the gymnastics meet, and folded laundry. But he had also made her laugh. She didn’t remember when she had genuinely laughed.
She had been happy.
And she had been certain she wouldn’t feel that way again.
