Page 118 of The Spy
"Um, not as expected. They found us, and we had to shoot our way out."
"Shit. Do they have Kira?"
"Oh yeah, they have Kira."
"Fuck me. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"No, I’m fine. Your idiot brother though, a bullet grazed him. I kept him alive."
"How big of a graze? Are you sure you didn't make it deeper?"
I laughed. "I considered it."
We grew silent for a moment, neither one of us sure how to approach the subject of, 'Hey, by the way, I'm sleeping with your brother.'
Finally, we both said it at the same time. "Listen, about Gabe."
And then we collapsed into a fit of giggles. I loved her voice. "I'm sorry, Saff, I should have just told you."
"No, I get it. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and you didn't know how I was going to react. You do know that I think you're good for him, right? I love you, and you would make the best sister on the planet."
"Yeah. I basically have been telling you all that since I turned up here."
"Yes, but when you were telling me that, you and Gabe weren't a possibility. And now, he very much has crossed that line, so you are a possibility. I'm just worried about you."
"I'm fine."
"Then why don't you sound fine?"
I sighed. That was a damned good question.
I couldn't tell her. Because while the fact that I was shagging her brother was something that needed to be told to my bestie, Drake Webster might not be information that she needed right now.
She was in charge while we were here, and she needed to focus. "How do you get around it? The secrets, the things you can't know. Hell, you're the heir apparent. And there are still things you can't tell Lock."
"I'm actually good at compartmentalizing. Is it frustrating? Yes, hugely so. Sometimes I want to shake him. But I've come to realize that if Gabe is keeping a secret, it’s because he has to. I always assume that first."
“It’s always like there is an imaginary chess piece I can’t see.”
"Does it feel like he's disrespecting you? Sure. Is it frustrating? A hundred percent. But most of the time, is he right? Yes.”
“Which is also frustrating and annoying,” I muttered.
“Honestly, he deserves to be shot for it, but I’ve just learned to compartmentalize it."
"Because he's Ops Command."
"Yes, and there's a lot he's dealing with under the surface that I don't know about. And if he makes decisions that I don't agree with, he will usually hear me out. Then he nods and tells me how he wants it done anyway."
"But how do you deal with that? I don't know if I can."
"Do you think he’s making decisions that benefit himself?"
I knew for a fact that wasn't true. He never made decisions for himself. I was the only thing he'd ever lost control over. "No, I know he doesn't do that. So I’m just supposed to trust him?"
"I know, it's a tough one. You hate his control, and you don't trust anybody. The best thing is, I know that if he can just let go for a moment and give you some control, then you can learn to trust somebody else. You two would be unbeatable. But it's making it over that hump. Trust me, I know. Sometimes, I just can't see it with Lachlan. He makes me batshit, but sometimes you’ve just got to go on faith. And yes, I know how bullshit that sounds."
"I don't want to go on faith."
