Page 33 of The Billionaire's Last-Minute Marriage
‘I can’t be what you need, Quinn.’
The use of her old nickname jarred her, poking a little hole in her fragile heart. Quinn again. She opened her mouth to reply, but the sky above them chose that exact moment to let out a rumble of thunder followed by a sharp flash that lit up his face.
Apparently he remembered how much she hated storms like this because he instantly reached out and took hold of her elbow, anchoring her. The gesture was so small and yet it touched her fragile heart, reminding her of all the other micro acts of care he seemed to perform reflexively. Damn, even when she was determined to hate this man he made it utterly impossible.
‘You were apologising,’ she breathed, cradling her own arms around herself and moving backwards on the bed to avoid her own impulse to lean into his touch. Or worse, to hug him. She wasn’t sure how that would feel more intimate than the things they’d shared with one another already, but hugs had always seemed like the height of intimacy to her. Hugs were for family, close friends or lovers, none of which qualified as anything close to whatever she and Xander were to one another now.
‘You made it clear that we were done when we left Japan. But when I walked in and saw you hurting like that...’ He ran a hand over his unshaven jawline. ‘I should have had more control.’
‘I was a willing participant, Xander. Don’t worry about it.’
Before she could fully break down, she strode into the en suite bathroom, locking the door behind her. She took more time than usual in the shower, refusing to cry as she washed her hair. When she eventually emerged into the bedroom, fully dressed once more, he was gone.
Not quite a professional relationship but a far cry from a true marriage—they seemed to have become stuck somewhere in between. She’d always hated grey areas, but that seemed the only logical way to categorise it. They were frozen, halfway between darkness and light. But no matter what way she looked at it, everything had changed between them most irrevocably.
Suddenly the idea of staying in this apartment for the next week, just waiting for her grand wedding, was like a slowly tightening noose. She should have accepted the job offer from Ran. If she had, maybe now she’d feel a bit more purpose and a bit less alone. The loneliness of being Xander’s wife was suddenly more than she could bear. They were only a few weeks into their marriage—could she really survive an entire year feeling this way?
Allowing her impulse free rein, she clicked open her phone and started a video call, feeling butterflies swoop and flutter in her stomach. She closed her eyes, twirling the bracelets on her left wrist as the call connected and Ran’s perfectly made-up face appeared on screen.
‘I want to take the job,’ Pandora said quickly, knowing she needed to get the words out and stay in control of the storm about to break inside her. ‘If it’s still on offer.’
‘Of course it’s still on offer. I always get what I want.’ Ran smiled, triumphant.
Pandora tried to smile, but felt it go wrong. Her face seemed to crumble, her lips wobbling and her eyes filling with embarrassing tears. It was humiliating that Ran wanted her more than Xander did right now.
Ran frowned, peering closer at the screen. ‘What happened?’
‘I’m fine.’ She shook her head and gasped, feeling her chest shudder. ‘I’ll be fine... I just needed to call you. You said if I changed my mind, I could take the job. I was thinking I could start working remotely. I just need...something.’
‘I can do better than just something.’ Ran sat up straight. ‘The Tanaka jet’s in New York. I’ll have them wait for you and you can fly out first thing tomorrow.’
It was only once the arrangements had been made and she was left alone in the silence once again that she crumbled and felt herself break.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
XANDERBARKEDONEfinal order at his chief operating officer and pressed the button for the privacy glass that surrounded his office. The replacement translator had made a couple of crucial mistakes on the final contracts for the Tanaka deal and it had created a twenty-four-hour panic to rectify before it was officially announced to the press yesterday.
After a morning of media interviews where he’d dodged question after question about his wife and her whereabouts, he was once again feeling the urge to hit the gym and punch things. A full week of arguments and subtle attempts at sabotage by the mutinous board over his actions in Japan had exhausted him, but, no matter how tired he was from eighteen-hour days, the minute he lay down, his thoughts always returned to Pandora.
He hadn’t spoken to her since she had walked away from him that night in his penthouse. She’d sent him an email early the next morning informing him of her plans to leave for the job in Japan, but by the time he’d got out of the emergency board meeting, Ran Tanaka’s jet had already been flying high above the clouds. Not that he would have stopped her, of course. Besides the fact that she had no personal commitments in New York, she had every right to want her space from him. He had been nothing but distant from her since Japan.
Her decision to end their liaison had been logical, of course, but tell that to the dark part of him who didn’t give a damn if their agreement was jeopardised. Her confession of love had scorched him to his bones, making him tighten his hold on her as though he could reshape her feelings into something less dangerous through sheer force of will. But in not responding in kind, he’d hurt her even more deeply than he’d realised.
He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes at the infuriating reminder that this distance between them was not only necessary but essential. He’d just had his own things moved to Zeus’s town house, where he would stay for the remainder of their marriage. It was only eleven more months...after which point she would be free to go. Free to move on and find someone more in touch with their humanity. Someone who wasn’t a workaholic with a grouchy temper and an inability to fall in love.
The image of his wife with another man suddenly had him standing up on his feet and contemplating heading up to the office gym to assault a punching bag. He inhaled deeply, pacing to the windows on stiff legs, and stared out at the dark clouds gathering above the city.
He had spent the past week rushing through his days at the office, unfocused and irritable with his new assistant as he’d counted down the days to today when she would return for their rehearsal dinner. Tonight, they would hold a small dinner and then tomorrow was the larger event. But now, knowing that she was only an hour away at their Hamptons venue waiting for him...he felt nothing but unease.
He’d seen glimpses of her exploring Tokyo through periodic checks of Ran Tanaka’s very popular public social media feed. She looked happy and bright, far from appearing to be experiencing the same dark irritability he’d been subjecting his own staff to in her absence. Seeing her clear bond with her new friend, he was jealous. The guilt assailed him when he thought of his initial reaction to her job offer and how he had wanted to convince her to turn it down. He hadn’t outright demanded that she return to New York to be by his side, but he’d wanted to. He’d wanted to convince her to stay with him, in his bed, wrapped around him.
And so he had stalked the corridors of his office like a coward, knowing that if he didn’t keep himself busy, he’d do something stupid. Such as follow her to Japan and beg her to come home. He’d learnt long ago that it was always better to maintain control of such situations and avoid weakness. Pandora Quinn was most definitely a weakness to him, no matter how much something inside him railed against the thought.
He growled under his breath, twirling his wedding ring around on his finger. This break apart was exactly what they had both needed. Things had got too intense in Japan, too...domestic. He had become entirely too comfortable waking up alongside her every morning, working together, exploring together. Was it any wonder that things had gone as far as they had?
With his workaholic tendencies and impatient nature, he had long ago decided that he had no interest in a family of his own. A choice that had only cemented in his mind as he learned of the devastation his father had wrought on the women in his life. Pandora’s words haunted him, her perceptive comment that he used his father’s evil misdeeds to reinforce the wall he had built around himself and push people away. But she was wrong about his reasons for doing so; he wasn’t protecting himself, he was protecting her. He was giving her a chance to truly find happiness with someone who truly deserved her love.
With distance would come clarity for them both...and sanity.
