Page 114 of The Governess and the Brooding Duke
‘I assume that Cameron has spoken to you...’
She pursed her lips and Mary waited for her judgement. ‘It was a topic of conversation in the kitchen this morning, if you mean your sleeping arrangements.’
‘Yes.’
Mrs Brown sighed. ‘I’ve known, Mary. It is not an easy thing to hide. And it is the way that the both of you are.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I was not understanding of the wet nurse, and I helped in the loss of her job, and I am no better.’
‘You still see to your work, Mary. You have never left the children on their own because of your relationship with the Duke.’
‘Even so, I understand that I have compromised myself and my reputation...’
‘You make him happy. The Duchess was a beautiful woman. And she could be lovely. She was fun with the children. When she had the time for them. But often she was occupied in her own mind. I knew she was having affairs long before the Duke did. But discretion is an important part of being a household manager. I would never have exposed her to his wrath. Though he is a kind man, a good man, nothing like his father. You make him happy. The way that you have taught him to be with the children makes him happy. That in turn makes the entire household happy.’
‘I do not think I make him happy. He has gone off to London today, and I could see that he was bearing a great burden. I think he regrets asking... He has asked me to be his mistress.’
Mrs Brown looked at her, sadness and sympathy on her face. ‘My darling, women have fallen for much less. You love him. It is clear to me he loves you.’
‘He doesn’t.’
‘Even if he doesn’t, to sacrifice for love is not a bad thing. I have never been in love. And no one has ever loved me. I would trade a life of propriety for the joy that he puts on your face. Yes, some might see it as disgraceful. But it is only because they’re jealous.’
‘I was at peace with my decision when I thought it would make him happy. But seeing the burden...’
‘It’s only because he knows he should offer you better.’
‘He cannot. He cannot.’
‘He is a duke. And he can do whatever he wants. And the sooner that he gets out from his father’s shadow and recognises that, the happier you will all be.’
And then Mrs Brown left her to ponder those things.
It was not only Samuel who was under a shadow. She had been, all these years. And only with him had she begun to feel the sun shining upon her.
She had been brave, choosing this life. A life in England, away from everyone and everything she knew.
If Samuel wanted her, she would choose him.
This life. No matter how frightening it was. No matter how unknown. She had never come to England to choose society.
She had come because she’d chosen herself.
And she would choose herself now. Samuel, the children.
She could feel no shame in this. She loved him. She loved Lachlan and Elizabeth and Michael. How could she feel ashamed about love?
A life in the margins with him was better than a sterling reputation.
She could only hope he felt the same.
Chapter Twenty
‘Come in. I’d only got your letter just an hour ago.’
He went into his brother’s study, having been admitted to the townhouse by his butler a few moments ago.
‘I need to ask you something.’
