Page 74 of The Governess and the Brooding Duke
He had touched her lip. And it had sent her into a freefall. Had made her doubt everything about herself. Had made her question her deeply held beliefs.
He made her want to risk everything.
What would it feel like to have his hands gripping her hips?
What would it feel like if he was over her? In her?
‘I would love to join you and the children,’ he said.
‘What changed?’
He shook his head. ‘Perhaps I am trying to. You have made me see that I must change. I have tried... I have tried to be the provider. The steady hand. I want them to trust me. And to be able to depend on me. I don’t know how to do that without staying at a distance from everyone and everything. Pulling my energy into appropriate categories, and making sure that I never make the mistake of... You must understand, my father wounded everyone around him by forcing us all to be players in a theatrical performance. All the world was his stage. And he was the lead. I have never wanted to hurt anyone. And yet I did. I hurt Jane. And you were right. The children have been hurt by all of this. Including the babe. And he does not deserve it. None of them deserve it.’
She felt dizzy. ‘Your Grace,’ she said. ‘Are you quite certain you’re well? Admitting that I am right?’
‘More than that, I need you to teach me, Miss Smith.’
‘It seems as if I already have.’
‘I do wish you would call me West.’
She wished he would call her Mary. Both were impossible.
‘And you know why I cannot.’
She wanted to. Absurdly, she found herself wanting to draw close to him now, rest her head on his chest, push her hand inside of that warm jacket and just breathe him in.
It was impossible. All of this was impossible.
But he was agreeing to take a walk with the children, so perhaps...
Perhaps being here had been worth it all along.
She was doing what she wanted for the children. Their father was going to be a bigger part of their lives now.
And that had to matter.
‘I will accompany you back.’
She nodded slowly.
‘I have decided that the child will be christened soon.’
She nodded and ignored the strange sensation in her stomach. ‘Good.’
‘I must think of a name.’
‘What sort of name?’
‘A good name.’
She laughed. ‘And you don’t know what a good name might be?’
‘My wife named the other children.’
‘I see.’
He’d had a wife.
