Page 78 of Thicker Than Water
“Sienna, you’re exactly that woman! Why else do you cyberstalk Clive, or drag me to his house to look in his windows? You can’t bear to move on from him because then you wouldn’t have that rage to hold on to anymore, and youlovethat rage because it’s easier than pain.”
Tears, big and abrupt, well between Sienna’s lashes. She closes her eyes for a second, like clamping lids onto simmering pots. When she opens them again, the tears haven’t dried or disappeared. They boil over onto her cheeks.
“That is so unfair,” she says.
But I’m not done. “It’s the same thing with Wyatt. You’ve been seeing him because you obviously still love him. But you keep your anger wedged between you, insisting it’s ‘just sex,’ it ‘doesn’t mean anything,’ because if you ever forgave him and got back together, you’d have to live with the fear of him hurting you again.”
“That’s—not true. And you’re wrong, I don’t love Wyatt. I’m just… used to him.”
“Oh, come on! You’re not just lying to me anymore. You’re lying to yourself, too.”
Sienna scoffs as she shakes her head. “Well, Jules, it’s not likeyou’ve been honest with me either. You’ve known sinceDecemberthat Jason took money from your Europe account, but I only heard about it from Maeve.” Fists balled, she crosses her arms. “You mightneverhave told me, all because—how did you put it?—you didn’t want me to think you and Jason were having problems? That’s such a bullshit reason. I’m aware, you know, that no relationship is perfect.”
“But you’re not aware that Jason isn’t.” I take a deep breath, steeling myself as I admit the truth. “And that’s the real reason I didn’t tell you. Not because I didn’t want you to know we had problems, but because of how you’dreactto the problem. Jason’s story was that someone had screwed him over on an investment, and I knew if I told you that, you’d become so obsessed with the injustice against him that you wouldn’t even recognize how hurt I was. You’d seethe about this nameless bad guy, and you wouldn’t once consider howJasonhad actually been the bad guy, because it wasJasonwho betrayed me by taking that money.”
“That’s—that’s not— I wouldn’t just blindly take his side.”
Air whooshes out of me, practically a laugh. “That’s exactly what you’d do! You’re doing it right now with him and Gavin! If the evidence the cops have against Jason pointed to anyone else, if it was any other man about to be arrested because the victim’s blood was on his knife, you’d be positive he was guilty. But because it points toJason, you just—disregard it?”
“Jason isn’t just ‘any man.’ He’s my brother. He’s your goddamn husband.”
“But he isn’t perfect. And you have to see that. You have to stopdoingthis.”
“Doing what?”
“Picking one view of a person and acting like it’s set in stone. Wyatt drunkenly cheated on you, so he’s the worst and you can’t be with him, even though you still love him and youwantto be with him.”
“I told you, Idon’t—” Sienna starts, but I barrel through her protest.
“Jason’s helped you through some really hard times, so you put him on a pedestal where he can’t do anything wrong. But Wyatt, Jason—they’re both justpeople. Which means they’re more than one thing at once. Wyatt can make a colossal mistakeandhe can be the best thing for you. Jason can save you from Clive Clayton, save every single person he thinks needs his help,andhe can end up hurting someone because he’s taken that savior complex way too far.”
“Savior complex?” Sienna narrows her eyes, her voice cold and slow. “You’re really trying to spin Jason helping people into abadthing?”
“It is if it means he gives Maeve money—money we’ve been saving for years—without even consulting me. And it’s definitely a bad thing if it means he’dkillGavin, over asuspicionthat he hurt Maeve.”
“Well, if you’re so convinced it’s a fucking complex, then maybe Jason was actually trying tohelpGavin that night! Maybe he stopped by his house for some reason, found him already hurt in his backyard, and maybe—maybe he tried to save him. Maybethat’show Gavin’s blood got on all his stuff!”
“Sienna, come on!” This time it’s me who bellows. “You need to stop with your ridiculous theories! Stuff like this, and Henry Hendrix—it’s only keeping you from accepting the truth.”
“Henry lied to the police about his alibi! He’sfriendswith a Hillstead cop—a cop who made it clear he didn’t want me investigating him. Gavin Reed ruined Henry’s life, only to turn around and do the same thing he ruined it over—which gives Henry plenty of motive. And Jason talked to him the night Henry attacked Gavin at the restaurant, which has to be connected somehow. So the only thing ridiculous here is that, even after knowing all that, you’re positive it was Jason who killed Gavin. God, Jules, I can’t believe you’d betray my brother like this!”
“Yeah, well, he betrayed me first, multiple times. He took that money and then slept with the person he gave it to.”
“But he wouldn’tkill. And let me guess: When you were so upset about the ten grand, you didn’t even tell Jason, did you? You just stuffed down your feelings.”
I open my mouth to argue, but my response idles. She isn’t wrong. After that night in December, I stiffened when Jason touched me, put space between us on the couch, in our bed, but I was careful not to mention the money. He didn’t know how much he’d rattled my trust, or that, for weeks afterward, I studied the details of our other accounts until I knew them by heart.
“I… was distant with him,” I finally reply.
“Distant. That’s exactly my point. Your silenceisdistance, and I’m sure he felt it and hated it. So maybe if you’d actually talked to Jason about the problems you were having, you could’ve worked things out with him before he turned around and slept with Maeve.”
Her last sentence stuns me. I blink at her as if she’s just thrown water in my face. “Are you saying it’smyfault Jason cheated?”
“No. I just know it can be hard to deal with, the way you keep everything all locked up. You didn’t even give me a chance with the money thing! You kept it a secret, because it was easier to assume I’d hurt you with my response than to consider I might agree with you, that what Jason did was messed up. Because then you’d have to deal with talking to him about it. So instead, you refused to speak, just like always. You refuse to say anything a little bit hard, and then I have to—”
She cuts herself off, weighing whether to continue her thought. I lean into the counter, bracing myself.
“Do you know that I time your silences?” she says. “Three seconds. That’s how long I wait until I speak for you. Not because I’m dying to be heard, but because I’m hoping you’ll finally find yourown damn voice before your silence becomes unbearable to everyone around you. But hey, I guess you did find it, huh?”
