Page 177 of Star Bringer
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll just grab a quick shower.”
She shakes her head adamantly. “It’s my job to run your bath.”
“Yeah, well, after everything my mother has put you through, I think you deserve a break. Or ten.” I don’t want to panic Lara—yet—but my mother’s threatisechoing in my ears. I can’t allow them to kill three planets’ worth of people, but how can I sacrifice my earliest friend?
When she looks down at her shoes, my chest tightens. “Was it horrible?” I ask. I’m afraid of the answer, but I’m not going to hide from it, either.
My days of hiding are done.
“Nowhere near as horrible as what happened to you, I’m sure,” she finally answers. “What did that guard do to you?”
She’s talking about Ian. “He saved my life.” It’s not the only thing he did to me, but that’s all Lara needs to know, at least right now.
She studies me for a second. “You care about him, don’t you?”
That she can read me so easily takes me aback for a second, but then I’m smiling. There’s no point in denying it. “I did, yes. But I had to leave, and I’m sure he’ll never forgive me for it. Still, I did what I had to.”
Lara studies me for a second, and I can see the same realization in her eyes that my mother had. Even before she says, “You’ve changed, Your Highness.” But from her, it doesn’t sound like a crime.
“What did my mother do to you and Arik?” I look at her closely now, at her bruised skin and the shadows under her eyes.
“It’s not important.”
I want to push her, but it’s obvious the subject is making her uncomfortable. It reminds me that trust is a terrifying thing at the palace, and not something any of us are very practiced in. After my weeks on theStarlight, it’s hard to imagine how I lived like this for so long, watching my back every second of the day, waiting for a blade to slip between my ribs.
“Hey, Lara. I’m back now, and you’re safe. Whatever she did to you, I won’t ever let her do it again.”
Lara nods, her throat working before she turns and heads toward the bathroom. “I will turn the shower on for you.”
“You don’t have to—” I start, but she’s already gone.
After I scrub my hair and every millimeter of my body, I step out of the shower and reach for a towel. But Lara is already there, ready to dry me off and rub scented lotion into my skin.
I wave her away. I’ve been taking care of myself for weeks. I think I can manage to dry off without any extra help.
Again, Lara looks shocked and a little sad, but she sets herself to pulling my clothes for the public appearance out of my wardrobe. I have a flashback to standing in that store in Rangar with Ian, watching him haggle for the clothes I picked out for Beckett, Rain, and myself. I’ve come a long way from that moment, but the sensation in my heart remains the same. It was fun and exciting. It was real.
Suddenly, I have the most intense longing for Ian. I hadn’t realized how safe he made me feel. How protected, even when he was mad at me. Now I’m here with Lara and Arik, and it’s my turn to do the looking after.
My turn to keep them safe.
I don’t mind it—I’d do anything for them. But a reassuring hug from Rain or a growl from Ian would go a long way to making my stomach—and my heart—feel steadier.
Lara’s patience with my newfound independence runs out right about the time I slip into my undergarments. She hands me a robe, which I put on, and then she points me toward my dressing table. While part of me wants to argue, another part of me doesn’t give a shit what I look like.
Which probably means I should let her take over.
“Your mother had this dress made for you once Arik picked you up on that Glacean moon,” Lara tells me as she pulls it out. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
It is, but it’s also ostentatious and a massive reminder of just how grossly the Empire treats its people. The dress is, of course, royal purple, not quite as elaborate as the Imperial Regalia I wore on theCaelestis, but it’s more than fancy enough to make my stomach roll. Even before I see the elaborate pattern made by the tiny stones embedded in the velvet. Stones that I know could feed a lot of people for a very long time.
Don’t fucking puke.
It’s like I’ve never been away. Nothing has changed at all—except me.
I stand perfectly still, as a princess should, while Lara buttons me into the elaborate dress and fixes the royal cloak over my shoulders.
As she swishes it around, making sure it falls properly, I can’t help but think of Ian. Again. On theCaelestis, he said I looked ridiculous. What I wouldn’t give for him to tell me I look ridiculous again, just one more time.
