Page 5 of The Time It Takes
It works because I get to hear his laugh which has women turning their attention to us. I always notice how he pretends to be oblivious, and it makes me wonder if he knows just how beguiling he is—how worthy he is of being noticed.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” I assure him, bumping my hip into his. I witness a soft smile form on his lips, and I'm grateful every time I see it. When I first met him, he didn’t smile much. That was one of my first goals in getting to know Julian Havord—to learn how to make the man smile. It’s a damn shame he doesn’t do it more often.
“No other place in the world,” he responds quietly like he always does to those words.
I always knew he was the kind of guy you fell in love with. A part of me wanted to let myself, but I couldn’t—wouldn’t. With me, he’s at a standstill, and I can only hope he isn’t waiting for me to rip open every part of myself I’ve kept closed for so long. So many pieces of myself still belong to my past. Parts of me that hurt too much to revisit more than I already do in my dreams.
Where I am now seems like such an alternate universe in comparison to that one.
This is where I chose to be. This is the plan I made so long ago, and I stuck with it. I followed through with one thing in my life and I’m done now. I’m done and I’m now watching as the days pass. All of which are the same and I have to keep reminding myself that this is the point. This is what I wanted. No more change. I’ve already had plenty of it.
I’m content here in this big city full of strangers.
At least as content as a person can be living above a sewer, smelling pee every time I step outside of my studio apartment, and sharing the subway with rats. Here, I’m not anyone’s Damsel.
I’m so utterly lost in my head that I don’t even notice that Julian has been pulled away by a group of young girls. The one who looks as if she just turned eighteen, places her hand on his forearm as she throws her head back and laughs at something he said.
As if he can sense me staring at the back of his head, he looks over his shoulder, his eyes connecting with mine.
I find myself thankful to drag my eyes away when my phone buzzes in the pocket of my coat. Without sparing a second glance at him, I decide to take the call outside. I answer and tell whoever is on the line to wait a moment without looking to see who it is.
Once I pass through the swarm of people who seem to be never-ending, I finally make it to the coolness of the night. I take a deep breath before bringing the phone up to my ear.
“Hello?”
SIT IN SILENCE. SOMETIMES THE WORLD IS MORE OF GENIUS IF YOU DON’T LET IT SPEAK.
Ten years ago
Thiswasthemomentwhen the world stopped. Just for me.
The moment after I’ve paddled miles away from the shore. The moment of silence and the trace of water beneath my palms. The sky was nearly black and would most likely fall at any moment, but I didn’t care. My patience was my virtue out here. Just me, my surfboard, and the sea.
I could hear the muffled yells behind me at the shoreline. I couldn’t make out the person behind them, but I was guessing it was either Taylor or Phoebe telling me to come back in. We were all lifeguards for the beach, but we met at school a few years ago. They surfed too, but not when the weather threatened the ground. I always thought this was the best time to go. They thought it was idiotic. Everyone except Oliver, of course.
Lightning struck in the sky and my heart pounded in anticipation. Somewhere in the clouds, the sky rumbled, and I could feel the ocean’s reactive hum along my fingertips. The water dragged me out further and I shifted so that I was lying on my stomach, paddling deeper into the chaos. I watched the water rise toward me and more distracting yells from my friends echoed in the air. They sounded more annoyed than worried. I told them they didn’t have to wait for me, but it was clear that’s exactly what they were doing.
If I was them, I wouldn’t wait. I would have joined me. Oliver would be out here with me in a heartbeat. He was probably going to be pissed that I came out here without him.
I turned my back to the tall incoming wave that was beginning to build and started wading through the water like my life depended on it. Once I felt the back of my board lift, I grabbed the sides and popped up, planting my feet. The sky screamed again as lightning struck once more in the distance, but this feeling pulled me away from everything else. Not even the possibility of death or my face smacking into the water could get a strong enough hold on me to be a bother.
This was the moment when the world demanded to be noticed. It demanded to be lived in. The wave was huge, and I was delighted as the water glided against the tips of my fingers. The water’s reflection was dark and gloomy, but on a sunny day the water turned a crystal blue, and I swore I could drink it.
When I entered the curl of the breaking wave, the world resumed in slow motion. Everything around me erupted in fervency. The world was gone from sight, and it was just me and my ocean. I was shielded from it all and I was as calm as the waves before the storm.
I cleared the wave and fell out onto my back. I covered my head with my arms to avoid being smacked by my board.
By the time I got close to the shoreline, the rain started to pour. It was coming down so hard that I had to squint to make out the lifeguard tower down the beach. When my feet hit the sand, I put my board under my arm and started a light jog.
Taylor and Phoebe were waiting for me inside the tower. Taylor looked delightfully smug for some reason, but I ignored him as I made my way inside.
“Are you insane?” he started.
Probably. “I don’t need a lecture,” I responded dryly.
I leaned my board against the wall and undid my leash. I frowned at the thought of leaving it here, but I didn’t feel like running home with it.
“No, I’ll save that for your brother.” His tone was more amused than judgmental, and I was glad because, for a second, I thought I was going to have to give him a piece of my mind. We’re seniors, almost graduates. I could make decisions for myself. Though, my brother would say otherwise. Still, I didn’t need to be tattled on like a child.
