Page 36 of The Time It Takes
I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. “I just can’t seem to love anyone or anything right. He deserves better than that.” I frown at my own words because I know it’s the alcohol talking, but it’s still the truth. I set the bottle off to the side since I’ve clearly had enough.
Phoebe scoots toward me and lays down on her back beside me.
“There’s no such thing as loving someone right exactly. Everyone loves differently. You just have to find the kind that matches yours. It’s also a matter of accepting that you do or accepting that you don’t and then going with it.”
I roll my head to the side to look at her. “And I don’t.”
“Does he know that?’
“He does now,” I respond quietly. If I was going to fall in love with someone else, I would want it to be him. “I tried, but that feeling just never came.”Because you still belong to someone else, the voice inside my head whispers.
She nods, understanding.
I add, “I’m selfish because I don’t want to lose him, but I’m afraid that if I don’t want him that way then it’s inevitable. That no matter what, I’ll be losing something again.”
“Just because something changes, doesn’t mean it’s gone or ruined. It just becomes something new, and you can learn to want that too.”
“Dammit,” I groan. “Wise cat.”
She laughs. “What?”
“You know,”—I wave my hand in the air—“because cats are wise and all that.” Grabbing the bottle again, I tilt it against my lips.
“Alright.” She laughs, grabbing it from my hand. “You’ve had enough poison.”
I open my mouth to respond, but Phoebe’s phone rings.
She brings it to her ear. “Yes?” I hear Dean’s voice on the other end and roll my eyes with a smile. “Just hanging out with an old friend,” she says.
I hear Dean ask, “What friend?” His tone sounds hopeful.
She lifts her head to read the label on the bottle. “His name is Jim.”
He says something that I can’t hear, but she laughs at whatever commentary is coming out of his mouth. Then finally she tells him, “Slow down grouchy pants. I’m watching Willow drink him because I can’t and so I’m living vicariously through her.”
She looks at me and shakes her head at her phone, pointing at it as if to say,this guy. “Dean, there is no such thing as secondhand drunk.”
Then they have a whole conversation about who is right and who is wrong. Dean; obviously. I’ve never witnessed a paranoid Dean before. He’s so different now. Matured. In his own way of course.
“I’ll be home in twenty,” she tells him, a pink tint spreading across her cheeks.
She already informed me that Finn is with her parents for the weekend, so I think I can guess what she’s rushing home for. She didn’t mention me meeting him and I don’t bother bringing it up. Though, I’m incredibly intrigued to see a mini-Dean and Phoebe running around.
When they hang up, I stand first to help her up. She rubs my shoulder with a warm, happy smile on her face. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
After she locks up her shop, she pauses and looks at me. “We're having a small bonfire tomorrow night if you’re feeling up for it. Taylor’s coming back into town from some modeling gig, so we’re all getting together.”
“All?” I ask.
She nods and fixes me with a look of concern. “Have you spoken to him yet?”
I shake my head, and this causes her to shift on her feet. She chews on her bottom lip. “At least he got a goodbye, not that it was a good one.”
My chest tightens. My mouth opens, but words fail me.
“It’s okay,” she says softly. “Just don’t do that to us again.”
I nod solemnly.
