Page 28 of The Time It Takes
I study the pile in my palm before placing one into my mouth.
Stale.
I smile, even as I let the tears fall.
SOMETIMES LOVE ISN’T THE SHAPE OF A HEART. IT’S AN HOURGLASS.
Ten years ago
Isilentlycursedundermy breath as I got ready for the bonfire.
I had to work a shift that morning to make up for what I secretly spent on groceries. I had lied to Ben by telling him there was a sale. I didn’t know if he bought the lie, but that didn’t matter. I knew he was stressed, and I wanted to help him out even if it was something simple like buying groceries.
I stood in front of my full-length mirror and stared at my body through a micro-sized lens. I twisted slightly, looking at the stretch marks on my hips and butt. Ollie’s mother called them tiger stripes—I liked that.
My mind wandered to my mother and where she was and if it was more beautiful than watching her children grow. I wondered what she was thinking of or talking about. I missed her. I always missed her.
After my lifeguard shift, I went for a quick surf. I rinsed off when I got home and left on my lavender-colored bikini. My eyes caught on the scar on my forearm from when I was twelve. I had ran into a fence while Ben was teaching me how to ride a bike. I needed stitches and mom nearly had a heart attack when she got the phone call from the doctor and had to rush home to pretend like she was a present parent, and her two children didn’t spend most of their lives alone.
My eyes then trailed to the large, jagged scar across my thigh, and it made me think of the one on the back of my head that was kept hidden beneath my hair. It happened when I was fifteen. I had decided to go out for a surf with Ollie, Phoebe, and Taylor. The waves turned choppy before we could blink.
Phoebe was still a little new to surfing and so when I saw her wipe out in the middle of riding a wave, I let my gaze linger as I waited for her to break back through the surface.
That was one of those cases where you looked away for more than a split second and you’re hit with something you didn’t expect but should have been anticipating.
The first rule of surfing was to always pay attention to your surroundings. It could be a matter of life or death.
It was also the lesson I think I needed to learn out there. It didn’t make me fear the water, if anything, it made me respect it a little more. I had gotten smothered by a wave from behind and when my forehead smacked my board, I fell unconscious. I didn’t remember much of what happened after that, but I did remember Taylor hovering over me as I choked on a mouthful of water after he gave me CPR.
From the bloody gash on my leg, the ache in the back of my head and seeing that I was laid across the rocks, I assumed the wave slammed me into them. I was back at the hospital, getting more stitches, but by then Ben was finally able to sign the forms. Mom made him my legal guardian after he practically begged for it. Mom still wasn’t happy; she didn’t come home to check to see if I was still in one piece either. Not even a phone call.
Ben was back and forth between Community college, work, and hanging out with friends, so Oliver stayed with me most of the time. It was the first time I realized I had a thing for my best friend—like a part of me couldn’t survive without him. Since then, I’ve waited for the day the feeling he gave my heart to fade away. It hadn’t eased the slightest.
Every time Ben referred to Oliver as his little brother, I’d wince. Sometimes I thought I’d catch Oliver doing the same. Sure, he and I joked about being together all the time, but that was different.
There was a loud knock downstairs.
“Willow! Door!” Ben yelled obnoxiously from the top of his lungs.
I threw on shorts and a plain white t-shirt that either belonged to Ben or Ollie, which one I wasn’t sure. I took the stairs two at a time. When I reached the bottom, my eyes went into direct sight of Ben and some girl sucking each other’s faces off. I’d grown pretty used to the parade of girls coming in and out of the house, but this girl was familiar. I’d seen her around a lot.
No girlfriend, my ass.
I walked past them with heavy steps in hopes they’d stop doing what they were doing or at least take it to his room. I reached the front door and saw Tucker standing there. His brown hair was chiseled, and his cheeks were flushed as if he just had a good lay. His eyes found mine and he smiled broadly.
“Hey, you,” he said, his voice sounding hoarse.
“Hi,” I replied, scrunching my nose with a smile. His eyes fell somewhere behind me where Ben and the girl with no name, straddled his lap, and I sighed. “Sorry about that.”
He shrugged, sticking his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts. “No worries. You ready?”
I nodded and yelled out, “Benji?”
An annoyed groan came from the living room. “What?” he yelled back. It was probably because he had to stop kissing her for one second. Didn’t they need air?
“Are you coming?” I asked him as I headed toward the kitchen to grab my phone off Ben's charger.
I heard them converse quietly for a moment and rolled my eyes at Tucker when I heard her giggling about something Ben said. Tucker only smirked at me, clearly entertained.
