Page 24 of The Time It Takes
I snort. “Figures.”
I’m half expecting him to ask me why I’m sitting outside, but I’m glad he doesn’t. He just takes a seat next to the spot I was laying a few minutes ago. I take a seat next to him and we’re both quiet for several minutes, taking in the other’s presence. It feels so surreal to be sitting next to him right now. He was such a big part of my past. He was a fraction of all the good. He was a good friend once upon a time. So was I, I’d like to think.
From the way he’s watching me, I can tell he’s going down memory lane as well.
Suddenly, he points at my hand, and I look down to find it balled in a fist.Oh. I’m still clutching the key. I hadn’t even noticed that I never put it down. When I open my hand, we both stare at it for a moment. I wish it were some sort of portal that could pull me back into the past so that I had a chance to do things differently. When I look back up at him, he dips his chin in understanding.
“How have you been?” he asks all too quietly. I hate that I didn’t ask him first.
I fiddle with the key between my fingers and lean back into the cushions with a sigh. I cock my head and lift the corner of my mouth. I hope it doesn’t look as pathetic as I feel.
“I’m doing well.”
His mouth twists in a small frown, but it’s gone in a blink. “What have you been up to all these years?”
I think over his question as I take in a deep breath. “After I graduated from Juilliard, I got a job as a piano instructor at the academy for the youth and have been working there for almost six years now.” I don’t tell him about all the time I spent trying to forget them nor that I finished recording my first album. Not even Julian knows about that. “I spend my time at museums and libraries whenever I have the time.” Anything to focus my thoughts on something else.
After a moment he nods slowly. “Well, if you’re happy then I’m happy for you, Will. That’s all we’ve ever wanted you to be.” He studies my face as if trying to find the truth.
“What about you?” I ask, trying to get the attention off of me. “How are you?”
His eyes fall to his hands, and I watch as he twists something on his finger, and I realize it’s a wedding band. He’s married. I have to look away from him because it’s too much. I’ve missed too much. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and hold my hand to the pained organ in my chest.
“The good days always outshine the bad,” he finally responds. “I’ve gotten more out of this life than I ever thought possible.”
I still can’t get myself to look at him. I see him settle in further beside me as he crosses an ankle over his knee, and I can feel him watching me again.
“How long are you home for, Will?”
I swallow, forcing myself to look at him. “My flight leaves next Friday morning. I’m just here to get some of my things before the house sells.”
Dean falls silent for a while again and I wish he’d stop watching me so intently. I can almost feel him trying to read my mind. My body language already gives me away—I know cops are trained to watch for certain things. It only puts me more on edge as if I’m being secretly interrogated.
“Is that the only reason you’re here?” he asks in nearly a whisper.
I purse my lips and stare at my suitcase leaning against the railing. “What other reason is there?” I regret my words the moment I say them. They come out harsher than I intend. Dean doesn’t even flinch. He only leans forward, dropping his leg and propping his elbows on his knees.
I glance over at him, feigning an apologetic look. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know,” he says easily, dismissing it.
I can’t stand this. I muster up the courage and open my mouth again.
“I missed you. All of you,” I blurt. “I missed all of you—all of the time.” It’s the truth. Even if they weren’t constantly my first thought when I started my day. They have always been my last thought right before I fell asleep. They’re always there in the back of my mind. Their laughter and banter never left. It warmed me when the world felt too cold to walk outside knowing they were still out there living their lives. They were who I kept locked away in my thoughts when I needed to get away. They were once my peace of mind. A sense of peace I gave up and walked away from.
“It hurt when you left, but I understand why you did.” His words surprise me.
“You don’t hate me?”
He laughs a breathy laugh. “No, you idiot. I’ve got nothing but love for you.”
I’m baffled because I feel like he should be yelling at me. He should be pissed. I don’t know why I want him to be angry so badly. Maybe I wanted someone to be just as pissed at the world as I am. Someone who flicks off fate rather than the lights before they go to bed.
“Look…” he starts, but pauses to consider his words. “We’re all grown up now. No grudges, but just because I forgive you doesn’t mean the others will do it as easily. I’ve always been an easygoing guy, you know that,” he states. I nod as he speaks because he is, always has been.
Even now, I find it comforting to know I still have a friend in him after ten years of silence.
Dean stands and peers down at me with grief written across his face. “It wasn’t just Ben we had to mourn.” He turns to retreat down the steps and I realize I don’t want to leave it this way.
