Page 22 of The Time It Takes
Ben shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the couch, and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. I was sensing an advice session that I wouldn’t be able to escape. Then again, I wouldn’t mind some entail on how the male brain worked. Not that it was Tucker’s brain that I was particularly interested in. Not that my brother needs to know that.
“Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”
I let out a startled laugh. “I don’t know. No? We’re still getting to know each other.” I didn’t even know if I wanted to kiss him and a little part of me was somewhat self-conscious about it. He’d been kind and refreshing in a strange sense, but I was still waiting for the itch—the need that made my heart demand my lips be pressed against his.
Ugh. Why can’t I live in a romance novel?
“Have you two—” He stopped, causing me to look at him completely. “You know…” His head bobbed side to side.
Once I realized what he was asking, I cringed. “Ew. God. No. Can we not have this conversation?”
He looked just as awkward as I felt. He opened his mouth to speak and then he closed it again. I decided to save us both. “The whole thing between us just started, whatever that may be, and besides…” I trailed off, scrunching my nose. “I know how sex works. I don’t need a rundown. The birds, the bees, and the honey. Blah blah blah.”
He winced slightly but a small smile inched across his face. “You want some advice?” he asked, his voice growing serious in a way that I could tell he actually wanted to give me some.
I plastered an innocent smile on my face. “I have a feeling if I say no, you’ll give me some anyway.”
He ignored me. “Don’t sleep with someone unless you’re in love with them, Willow.”
Oh, shit. He included my name, which could only have meant one thing—he meant business. I’d never anticipated those words leaving my brother’s mouth.
He continued even though I knew he didn’t want to. “I know I’m one to talk, so I speak only from experience. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing to have sex for fun now and then.” I groaned in misery and the corner of his mouth lifted. “Let me finish, dweeb.”
I waved my hand in the air, signaling for him to proceed.
Ben lowered his voice when he added, “What I’m saying is that you should never give your bod—self to someone who has no intention of going any deeper than that.” He shifted uncomfortably again, and I forced myself to refrain from doing the same. “There’s a difference between lust and love. The trick is deciphering the two. So, when you do find yourself falling in love. Do what we all do—pray to whatever it is you believe in that when you finally let yourself fall, you’re not plummeting straight into hell. Love isn’t just wanting to be in someone’s arms—it’s needing to be there. Remember that and trust your heart to know what it’s doing.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and blinked rapidly at my brother, who didn’t sound like my brother at all. With that, I was left to wonder if he’d ever been in love. He seemed to know more about it than I did. Maybe he had gotten his hands on one of Mom’s romance novels. Either way, I found myself completely taken by this advice, entirely thankful for the wave of warmth and comfort his words had provided me with.
I reached out and grabbed his hand to squeeze it. “You’re a really good brother,” I said, my voice hoarse.
He twisted his hand so that our pinkies linked together. “Are you just now realizing that?”
No.
I’ve always known it.
Chapter Five
Present
Ohfuck.
That’s my first thought as I open the door of my Lyft ride and stand on weak knees. I was silent all the way here and the driver probably thinks I’m the rudest person ever for not making any conversation. Meanwhile, I know the names of his twin daughters, Erica and Georgia. His mother’s diabetic. His name is Randall, and he owns four cats.
There’s a knot in my gut and my body feels jittery like I need to go for a run.
I only brought one suitcase with me since I’m leaving on Tuesday. I hoped this would be a short visit, but now that I’m here I feel all weird inside as if there’s a voice inside my head telling me to stay. There’s a pull here—a tether that never quite snapped.
I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts that have continued to grasp me in a chokehold ever since I left. Sweat beads down my back and I’m reminded how humid it is here compared to New York. I’m still groggy from falling asleep on the flight. I was thankful to have slept through the landing. I woke up to the salt-and-pepper-haired lady’s acrylic nail jabbing me in the shoulder.
Now that I’m standing in front of the house I grew up in, it doesn’t feel like home at all. It feels like a distant memory that I can’t shake away.
An ache beats in my chest. This was the last place I saw my brother. Life is so fucking unfair that I could scream. It feels like the stitches on my skin are coming undone, opening old wounds that never healed.
Everything looks the same though. Someone must have kept up with the lawn care for the past ten years. It’s exactly how I remember it. It’s a two-story white concrete block of a house. The driveway is still worn-down gravel that was supposed to be filled with concrete but never got done. No one was here to make sure that it did. Fathers are supposed to handle those sorts of things. It never felt right to finish something he was supposed to start.
I stare at the for-sale sign sticking in the ground near the road and I swallow back the bile rising in my throat. It takes everything in me not to go kick it down.
