Page 129 of The Time It Takes
When I glanced at his closet, my eyes fell on his t-shirts. Some were barely hanging onto the hanger; some had already fallen off. My legs went on their own. I ran my hand over them for a moment before my eyes snagged onto something. I dropped down onto my knees to observe the fact that he had a whole tire sitting at the bottom of his closet.
Who kept a tire in their closet? Ben, that was who.
I pulled it out to look at it and stopped when I noticed the hole in the wall. I wanted to laugh at his terrible attempt to hide it, but then I saw something inside of it—at least I thought I did. Reluctantly, I stuck my hand inside the wall and then quickly drew back when I hit something hard and cold. My brows knitted together, not having a clue as to what it could be. At least I was certain it wasn’t a dead rat or something else furry.
I pushed the tire out of the way and went back to my room to grab my phone. When I got back, I turned on the flashlight and shone it into the hole. My eyes widened when I realized what it was. I held my phone in my mouth as I reached into the wall with both hands and pulled out a steel black safe. I stared down at it, my heart nearly beating out of my chest.
I thought of what the code could be. Placing my phone down, I tried the passcode he had on his phone that I used to delete anything I thought the police might not particularly like—it didn’t work. I tried the numbers on his license plate. I tried Dad’s birthday, then mom's, and then his. It wasn’t until I typed in my own that I heard the click. My heart stopped. Of course, he used mine.
Slowly, I pulled open the door. The first thing I saw was an envelope that had my name on it, which only meant one thing. He wanted me to be able to get into the safe. With my nosey nature, he knew I’d eventually find it. I didn’t realize my hands were shaking until I reached inside to grab the envelope.
When I opened it, there was a piece of paper inside that had an account number and bank information. Behind it was a card. Confused, I pulled out my phone and searched the bank, typing in the information. When the screen loaded, my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. The account had over forty-thousand dollars in it. It didn’t take me long to realize he had been saving up the money he won at the dragstrip—the money he acted as if he didn’t have.Because he never saw it as his, I realized and my stomach lurched.
My eyes darted back inside the safe and I noticed two plane tickets sitting in the back. They were for the trip to New Orleans we were supposed to take. A sob cracked in my throat and my face fell into my hands. When I finally mustered the strength to get it together, I reached back into the envelope and grabbed the ripped piece of paper inside. I narrowed my eyes at it. It looked a lot like it belonged in one of my books.
I began to read the words in my brother’s handwriting.
Willow,
If you’re reading this, I hope it’s not because I royally screwed up and you have to bail me out of jail or something. This money is supposed to be for you, every cent of it. I’ve been saving it for you ever since you told me you dreamed of opening up a studio. The only thing I ask for in return is a blown-up picture of me on the wall for all to see. Kidding…sort of.
Anyway, if you’re thinking of using this money on anything but yourself, don’t. Be selfish for once in your life. Leave me to rot. You’re always so worried about me not having a life because of you. I could never say this to your face, but you’ve never been more wrong. My life is you, Willow. I wouldn’t give up being your brother for anything. I have not once wished life were different for the fear that if it were, Mom and Dad would have never had you.
Did I ever tell you I was the one to witness your very first steps? Well, it’s true. The video you saw was Mom and Dad’s first time witnessing it, but not me. They were in the kitchen, and I was watching you in the living room. I watched you take a step, and I watched you fall. You got back up every time, determined to reach my open arms. It took you seven tries to make it to me. I stayed quiet because I didn’t want them to intrude on our moment.
You were mine the second you were born. The first time I held you, even at a young age, I made it my life’s mission to always keep you safe. That I would be the one to keep you out of harm’s way forever.
I don’t say this enough, but I’m so fucking proud of you. I mean, you got a full scholarship to Juilliard. That’s insane! I’m a little jealous that you got all the talent. I can’t wait to witness what you become. Change the juju in the family. Turn the shit into gold, kid.
Just know that if at some point someone asks me to place a bet on you against the world, I’d bet on you every single time.
The world doesn’t stand a chance.
Benji
I held the paper to my chest—no longer caring where it came from. It felt like I was hearing from him again. My chest hadn’t stopped aching since that night, and I was beginning to worry I was in a constant state of experiencing a heart attack.
The ease I felt then was unbearable. It felt misplaced. I knew this was a rare moment and so I let myself breathe it all in. I sat with the fact that though my brother was gone, he was always with me.
I tried to ignore the other knife carving itself into my heart, but it was so clear what was written on it—he would have made a wonderful father.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Present
We’reperformingintheconcert hall, which I was unaware this hotel had. It’s absolutely beautiful. Golden chandeliers hang from the ceiling and massive, black curtains drape around the stage.
I’m wearing a white dress where the sleeves tie into a bow at my shoulders and the fabric hugs every curve I used to be so insecure about when I was younger. The splits stop high on both of my thighs. If it caught the wind just right, it could be horrifically embarrassing. I’m wearing clear strapped heels and an intense shade of red lipstick. I let my hair down and restyled it into soft curls. For once I feel like a woman and not the girl I’ve been so caught up in trying to remember.
Tonight, the ballerinas will also be wearing white. The models are the ones that hold a story on their skin. Tonight is about freeing yourself. Tonight’s piece will be to honor life and all its messes and complications.
The sound of laughter and chatter fills the lobby as Julian and I enter it. His artwork is plastered everywhere. I have no idea how he got it all transported here. I have my arm draped around Julian’s as we descend through the room. Naturally, my eyes search for Oliver.
Instead, they find a grinning Taylor as he struts toward us from where he was standing with Dean, Phoebe, and Finnick. Taylor’s hair is down for once rather than up in a bun. I’ve never seen us all dressed up this much in our life. Even Finnick is wearing a little tux. Phoebe wears a pink gown that has sheer fabric sleeves. She smiles at me, and I smile back. It’s going to take time to know her again and I’m okay with that.
Taylor dips down and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Gorgeous as always,” he says.
“You too,” I respond. He smiles down at me before turning his attention over to Julian. Taylor extends his hand and I release my hold on him so they can shake hands.
