Page 12 of The Time It Takes
I smile so hard it hurts my cheeks. Once I’m satisfied, I make my way out of the bathroom just as I see people starting to gather closer to the platform. I spot Julian walking toward it and watch as his eyes roam the room. I already know he’s searching for me. My legs wobble over to him, and his eyes light up when he sees me. All it takes is a blink and then they quickly darken as he studies my face closely. I guess my smile doesn’t fool him. I must look like a crazy person.
His dark eyebrows drop in concern and there’s a question in them. I shake my head and he studies me warily for a moment before dipping his chin. I’ve never been more thankful for our rules and that he knows not to ask. I jerk my head toward the platform, and we walk side by side. He grabs my hand and gives it an encouraging squeeze that seems to mean so many things at once.
He spent most of the day body painting our dancers. Nothing over the top, but just enough to catch the eye and hold it.
Once we reach the platform, I squeeze his hand back before releasing it and taking a seat on the piano bench. He takes his place in front of the microphone, and I listen as he recites his speech as gracefully as ever. I’ve only let him practice it with me a hundred times. My smile is genuine as I watch him interact with the crowd. He’s such a natural crowd-pleaser and it makes me envious but fascinated all the same.
Once he’s done giving his speech, he walks over to the back corner of the platform. This places him in my peripheral view. That way he can watch the crowd, his dancing canvases, and me.
I lightly run my hands over the keys as I wait for the lights to go out. The room goes completely dark as the stage is lit by specks of light to resemble the stars. I start to play a mellow sound, hardly being able to see a thing.
The spotlights flick on, and the dancers appear just as my fingertips pick up their pace. Before I know it, I’m lost in the song. My eyelids weigh heavy, so I close them. I do nothing, but give in to the art. This is the only time I can stop looking for things that are no longer there. Here, there is no numbness. There are vibrations that trickle across my skin, finding themselves buried within my bones.
This is the part in which I’m reminded of a soul inside these walls. This is the only time that I can allow myself to feel it all.
To get lost in the music just as deeply as I’m lost in the world itself.
Chapter Three
Present
Myeyesflutteropento reveal a familiar cathedral ceiling. I blink a few times, soaking in the warmth wrapped around my bare skin. My eyes focus on the city lights shining on the walls, creating a shadowy pattern. The city isn’t so obnoxiously loud in Julian’s apartment as it is in mine.
Feeling entirely too aware of the body sleeping peacefully next to me, I lift myself on my elbows and stare down at Julian. His lips are parted slightly as his chest rises and falls slowly. He really is a beautiful man.
My phone lights up on the nightstand and I reach for it slowly. There’s a text from Abigail.Sorry we couldn’t make it tonight. Lily wasn’t feeling well.
My mouth pulls down in worry as I type a response.Don’t worry about it. Is she okay?
I go to set my phone down, but it buzzes again. It’s the dead of the night and she’s awake.She’s getting there. She woke a little while ago and wanted Lasagna.
I have to stifle a chuckle.Lasagna??? YUM.I stare down at my glowing screen for a moment before typing again.I’ll let your brother know. He’ll understand. We all know who the boss is in the family.
Reluctantly, I put my phone down with a sigh, turning over to look at Julian.
The night comes back to me in bits and pieces. After the gallery, we met up with a few other artists at some ridiculously fancy rooftop bar. I may have had a bit too much to drink, but I feel it was needed after the news my mother gave me.
I remember the cab ride there and the first four shots I took. I remember dancing—a lot.
Then like it always does on those kinds of nights, my mouth found Julian’s and we stumbled out of our clothes as soon as we entered his apartment as if we couldn’t wait a moment longer.
I continue to look at him and feel a ghost of a smile form on my lips. I lean down and plant a kiss on his temple before lifting myself out of his bed. He’s the man who taught me how to heal my body and reminded me that it’s still mine.
Sometimes when people ask me what Julian is to me, I wish I could tell them the truth. I wish I could say,he’s a fucking miracle.
I try not to think too much about that night and how I never told anyone. I wonder how differently things might have turned out if I did. I was a deer frozen in headlights and my reaction was silence. Julian tells me that it’s not my fault and people react to trauma differently, but still, sometimes I wish I had done more—had acted more.
My ankles crack with each step, and I wince at the noise. I hear the covers shift on the bed, and I pause. When I believe he’s still asleep, I continue the hunt for my clothes.
My eyes roam the floor and I find my underwear. I slip them on quickly as I look around for my bra and try to remember at which point it was slung off my body.
I retrace our steps by the door and remember him throwing me up against it and the bra somersaulting through the air over his shoulder. I glance back at the bed and see it on the back of the headboard and laugh silently to myself. I tiptoe back over to the bed and reach over Julian. Just as my hand grasps the lace fabric, hands reach up around my waist and sling me onto the bed. I let out a startled squeak of surprise as I find Julian’s face now hovering over mine.
I feel his nose nuzzle my neck as he groans. “No.” He lifts his head to meet my eyes. “Stay the night,” he pouts. “It’s late. The city’s not safe to be alone at this hour.”
A smile tugs on the corners of my mouth. “I can’t,” I whisper.
His face falls into a frown. I only stay the night on a few rare occasions—when my body doesn’t wake me up in the middle of the night. I don’t make it a habit to do it often. Staying meant the expectation of doing it again. And again. And again.
