Page 47 of Up in Smoke
If she killed him…if she set fire to this house, those things would be taken away. She would have to run and leave them all behind. Even now, merely by breaking in and assaulting him, she might have damned herself to doing more time. Being put away in an institution. But she could walk away. She didn’t have to do this. There were people who could help her if she just asked.
What am I doing here? I’m doing nothing. I’m…leaving.
As soon as she made the decision, it hit her that this is where the true power lay. Walking away. Not giving in to the darkness. Not eliminating her fear, but controlling it.
“Stay away from me or I’ll come back and finish this.” Her throat felt sunburned. “Do you understand me?”
He didn’t answer. His chest rose and fell rapidly, hatred pouring off him in waves.
Erin tossed the skillet onto the washing machine with a loudbangand turned to walk out the back door, but his voice stopped her. “You won’t get away with this.”
She considered him a moment before sauntering back toward his prone body. He withdrew into himself the closer she got, making her smile. She reeled back with her fist and brought it down once, connecting with his already-damaged nose with all her strength. The blow rendered him unconscious.
“Tonight I will.”
Erin closed the side door of the house behind her.
And ran straight into Connor.
He didn’t budge an inch or try to steady her with his hands when she bounced right off of him. His hard form stood completely still in the darkness, except for his flexing jaw. Frustration, anger, helplessness was evident in every line of his strong body. His eyes were haunted. She could see that, even in the darkness. They were focused on the bridge of her nose where she could feel a fresh contusion, courtesy of her head butt. She wanted to kneel down in front of him and weep. Apologize. Tell him how much she’d missed him. Beg him not to lose faith in her. Tell him how she’d just overcome the need to do something bad because she couldn’t imagine being without him.
She couldn’t, though. No. If he was here, he knew who was inside. And if he went inside, he would kill her stepfather. Those were the facts and she had to deal with them. Now. Prevent any such outcome from happening. It would mean her restraint tonight had been for nothing, because if Connor had blood on his hands, he’d have to face the consequences instead of her. He’d have to live with it when he already lived with so much guilt every day of his life. She couldn’t allow him to add to it on her behalf. Couldn’t allow him to be arrested or taken away in cuffs. Or running for his freedom.
“I was going to come back to you.”
Still, he said nothing. Didn’t move. Just stared down at her with an unreadable expression.
She took a step closer to him. “Do you believe me?”
“No.”
A pained sound slipped past her lips. Her ribs were caving in. She’d expected his anger, but she hadn’t expected him to lose faith in her. He’d never been emotionless with her, through all the shit she’d thrown at him. She’d always been able to get a read on him, break through. “I’ll convince you. I’ll make you believe me.”
His attention shot to the door like a whip being cracked. “Is he inside?”
“Connor, no.” Oh, God. Her worst fears were playing out. She couldn’t stop him when he was like this, could she? Her Connor wasn’t anywhere to be found. Just this stiff, closed-off man who could brush her off like a fly if she tried to prevent him from going inside. “I took care of it. He won’t come after me again.”
The air around them thinned. “You killed him?”
She swallowed. “Yes.”
His laugh was dark, unfamiliar. “That’s two lies you’ve told me already tonight.” He focused back on the door. “You’re not a murderer. I know you’re not.”
I can’t let him go inside.“Take me home. Please.”
He tried to sidestep her, but she blocked his path. His hands curled and uncurled at his sides. “If you did as you say, let me confirm it. Let me see it with my own eyes.”
“Don’t. Don’t go in there. It’s not worth it.”
“You’reworth it.” His voice thundered down at her. “You’re worth four days of hell. Busting into a fucking motel, wondering if I’d find you dead inside. Wondering if I’d see you again. Then finding out you weren’t even there…you were somewhere else when Iwas not.” A light came on in the neighbor’s yard and he automatically blocked her from its path. He lowered his voice but it was no less furious. “He made you run from me and I want to check the fucker’s pulse. It’sworthknowing that will never happen again. Do you understand me?”
She battled with the relief that assailed her. Nearly took her to the ground. He still wanted her. At least he still wanted her. “Show me, then. Show me I’m worth it. Trust me now.”
“Oh, no. I didn’t say anything about trust.” He lowered his face just above hers. “After what you’ve put me through, I can’t even trust you not to vanish when I turn my back.”
He changed directions and started to move past her, sending panic tunneling into her midsection.No. Erin didn’t think, didn’t reason with herself.
She grabbed both of his hands and laid them on her face.
