Page 38 of Up in Smoke
His concern was so palpable, she could feel it without looking at him. “Talk to me, Erin.”
“I’m fine.”
She took stock of her surroundings, waited for the impulse to flee, but it didn’t come. It didn’t come. This was exactly where she wanted to be. Her gaze flew to Connor’s. Such intensity poured from him, she didn’t know whether to soar or collapse under the heaviness of it. Soar. She wanted to soar. He’dmadeher soar. Without another thought, she launched herself at him. His arms stayed at his sides even though she could sense it took a shit-ton of restraint. She couldn’t get close enough to him. Her body climbed his, reveling in the smell of his skin, thelifeof him.
“Thank God,” he chanted, letting her kiss his shoulders, his face. “Thank God. Thank God.”
“I’m really fine. I mean…I-I don’t know when or if I’ll be okay with hands. Yourhands. But I never thought.” She buried her face in his damp neck and sucked in his scent. “I never thought.”
He walked backward and sat down in a chair, taking her with him. For the first time, weakness in her limbs didn’t feel like a disadvantage. Or letting her guard down. No, she felt safe.Alwayssafe with him. She wanted him to feel the same way with her, but she couldn’t form the words so she squeezed him tight in an attempt to express it. This didn’t feel like her triumph alone, but something they’d accomplished together. Something she’d never thought possible.
The blinding wave of emotion carried words that wouldn’t be held inside any longer. “It wasn’t always this bad. The noise…the panic was there, but I could stillmove. I didn’t freeze up and turn useless when someone touched me. It was like a bee sting I could ignore. Or try to.” Connor had gone still beneath her, but he didn’t say anything to encourage her. Just stayed silent like she needed. “My mother didn’t plan on dying. If she had, I hope…I don’t think…she would have left me with my stepfather. I don’t remember everything, but I remember the fighting. Them acting like strangers.”
Connor sucked in a breath, like he was bracing himself.
“The first time I acted out at school, he put me in the closet for two days. I don’t even remember what I did…pulled a fire alarm to get out of a test or something.” She threw up a mental block against the feeling of being trapped that first time. The confusion. “I stopped making trouble after that, but it didn’t matter. Out of sight was out of mind for him. It took nothing…nothing, and I’d be in the closet. Longer each time.”
She’d started missing so much school, it hadn’t been worth going back at a certain point. Too many missed classes, failed tests. Catching up would have been impossible. Once, a guidance counselor had visited the house. She’d screamed herself hoarse throughout the morning so she couldn’t even call out to the woman. Like one of those nightmares where your vocal cords have been cut. Through the closet door, she’d heard her stepfather explain that she’d gone to live with her mother. A mother she could barely remember anymore through the terror she faced every day. A mother who had been dead and gone for months.
“When I finally broke out…” The familiar surge of ease washed over her as it always did when she remembered her ability to escape. “I stayed away awhile. Went to prison the first time. When I went back, I burned his house down while he slept in the back room. There was this noise in my head…it drove me. I couldn’t see anything but the flames and it felt so good to have that control burning in my hands, you know? I thought he died. He didn’t.”
“I’m glad he didn’t die,” Connor’s hard voice broke in. Beneath her, his massive chest heaved. “I’d hate to lose the opportunity to kill him myself.”
It was tempting to let herself curl up and bask in his anger on her behalf. It felt foreign yet wonderful to have someone on her side. But she needed to get the rest out. Purge it. Make him understand what he was signing on for. “After I escaped the first time from Dade and they sent me back…I had a target on my back with the guards. They left me in the hole for a long time. It could have been a day or a month. I don’t know.” She blew out a breath. “I don’t even remember what I was like before I went in. It broke me.”
“No, it didn’t. You’re whole. You survived.” He cut himself off and Erin got the feeling he was composing himself. “I can’t think of you down there in the dark. I can’t.”
She traced his collarbone with her lips while considering his words. “Maybe my stepfather can’t be killed. Even if he can, the fear he’s put in me, the fear the guards put in me, won’t go away. Never completely.”
“You don’t know that.”
Bolstering her courage, she told him the worst of it. “They have no proof I set the fire, but he knows. He wants to put me away, Connor. Institutionalize me.” He didn’t respond. What did the silence mean? “Sometimes I think that’s where I belong.”
“No.” He pulled back, his green eyes drilling into hers. “You belong withme.”
Her lungs emptied of oxygen. There was something in his expression. Or lack of something, maybe. Shock…horror? “You knew about this?”
“Yes, I knew. I needed to identify the threat.” He stared at a spot over her head. “After you left the meeting this morning, I talked to Derek about locating your stepfather. I want to give you your freedom, sweetheart, like I know you need. But I can’t sit around wondering if someone will stop you from coming back to me.”
She should have been outraged that he’d gone behind her back. Should have jumped off his lap and flipped over a table or something. Instead, she stayed put. If there were a threat against Connor, she would do the same thing. Identify and eliminate the problem. It was how people like them worked. “So you’ve known I’m a candidate for a padded cell and wanted me anyway? Maybe you do love crazy pussy.”
“Don’t call yourself crazy.” His voice deepened. “And don’t talk to me about your pussy until I’ve built up my self-discipline again. We do this right. Every damn time.”
Heat prickled her skin. God, she’d hooked up with some kind of man. A naughty part of her wanted to push him, knew he would find command over himself one way or another, but she wasn’t finished with her story. It needed to be out in the open. “I’m rich, Connor. Really fucking rich.” He frowned at her. “Your manly frown lines tell me you didn’t know that part.”
“I didn’t.”
Erin nodded. “My mother was a gambler. A shitty one. But she got a break toward the end.” She slipped her fingers into his hair and ran her nails along his scalp. “Somehow she got motivated enough to put it into a trust until I turned twenty-five. And I turned twenty-five two weeks ago.” She watched Connor struggle to listen while she toyed with his hair, dragged her dampened lips across his. “I haven’t touched it…wouldn’t know what to do with that much cash. But my stepfather would. He legally adopted me when he married my mother. He’s my sole family member. If he succeeds in institutionalizing me, he’ll have control of the money. That’s why he won’t give up. Won’t stop coming for me.”
Connor’s gaze sharpened, along with his breath. Her nearness was getting to him. Between her thighs, he’d grown huge and hard again. He visibly shook himself, but couldn’t hide the hunger. “I won’t let it happen.”
“I know, baby,” she purred against his ear, flicking the lobe with her tongue. “I won’t let anything happen to you, either.”
“Erin, please.” His head fell back, putting his strong throat on display. Rock-hard, solid male between her legs, naked and ready. She still wore everything but her panties, but that could be easily fixed. With steady hands, she found the hem of her shirt and removed it. Connor’s Adam’s apple bobbed, but he didn’t look. “You picked a bad time to fuck, sweetheart. I’m feeling protective as hell right now. Someone wants to take what’s mine, someonehurtwhat’s mine, and my head isn’t on straight yet. Might never be.”
She dragged her open mouth up his throat, over his chin. “Let me do the work this time,” she whispered at his lips. “You fucked me, now I’m going to fuck you back.”
Connor’s growl vibrated his chest. “Get to it, then. I know what you feel like now and that makes me goddamn impatient. Cram me inside your wet pussy or I’ll put you on the ground and use your mouth.”
