Page 62 of The Shadows Between Us
And now I fear the king is taking me somewhere to kill me.
Could I run away? Leap from the carriage and disappear before he can follow? Then what will become of me?
I should try. I should think of something.
“Are you real?” I ask, the words jumping from my lips before I can hold them back.
“Quite real,” he says in response.
“But you’re not solid. You’re… all shadows. Did I hurt you? Is that why you don’t wish to be touched? Are you going to kill me?” The questions all topple out, each one starting before the last one has quite finished.
He fingers the handle of his rapier. Hopefully for something to do and not because he’s contemplating using it.
“No,” he says at last. “To all questions.”
My heart calms somewhat. He really has no reason to lie to me. If he were going to kill me, I suppose he would just be done with it.
“How is it that you’re able to touch that sword but not me?”
Can he not be touched by living things? That would make consummating a marriage very difficult, indeed. But then, I felt the pressure of his glove against my cheek…
In the span of a blink, the shadows disappear. All that is left is Kallias. Real, human. Corporeal. Touchable.
Beautiful.
In another blink, he’s back to being surrounded by shadow.
“I can turn the ability on and off,” he says. “I can force my fingers to solidify in order to pick something up, while the rest of me remains intangible.”
“But why the law?” I ask. “If no one can hurt you, why forbid people from touching you? Why bother with gloves? Doesthatpain you? To touch someone skin to skin?”
“It does not pain me to touch anyone. Unless they’re maiming me in some way.”
Then why?I want to scream. Why push everyone away? Why isolate himself from everyone? Why live alone and untouched?
“If I were to touch someone skin to skin when I’m not in my shadow form, my ability would go away whenever I’m in their presence. I would be corporeal anytime they were around. I would be susceptible to death and pain and all else. My father lived to be over three hundred years old. A long and lonely life until he decided to marry my mother. Then he was mortal. She was the anchor keeping him grounded. And anyone could assassinate him while my mother was near.
“And they did,” he finishes. “Falling in love is what got him killed. Now you see why I wish to appease the council without actually fulfilling their wishes. Someone killed my parents, and they will do the same to me if I let myself get close to anyone. Sometimes I even wonder if my brother’s death wasn’t an accident.”
I dare not say anything, for fear he’ll stop confiding in me.
“He wasn’t like me, you see,” Kallias says. “The ability passes from parent to child. But my brother, Xanthos? He didn’t get the ability. I believe that’s why he died so young. Someone wanted to take him out of the line of succession. My father was much more protected. It took longer to find a way to end him.”
I can hardly believe he’s trusting me with so much. But I also can’t help but wonder if this is some sort of test.
I say, “When you barged into my room that night, you wanted to know exactly what I’d said. Because if people thought we were touching—”
“They’d come after me,” he finishes. “And I’d have to be ever on alert.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” I ask. “Are you sure you’re not going to kill me?”
“You were right, Alessandra. Last night. All of those things you said. I’ve been afraid to truly live. Being with you outside of closely observedmealtimes makes me vulnerable. If someone learns my secret, if we were to accidentally touch—I could be killed.
“But that’s no way to live. I may not be allowed to ever have someone physically close to me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t let you in. I… like you, and I hope that you could like me, too.”
Something in me… softens. There’s something about looking on this dark, powerful man and hearing his hopes for us. It makes me want to make those hopes become real.
Right before I end his life, of course.
