Page 11 of Urgent Vows
"I would prefer you tell me you are feeling ill than to have you rushing off to throw up and leave our guests thinking that we had to get married because I got you pregnant."
So, not because he cared per se that I was nauseated, but so he could manage the situation with all of the facts.
"I guess it's a good thing I didn't do that then," I say, my tone sarcastic.
"Why are you angry? It's my job to watch for potential problems and deal with them."
I'm not angry. I'm hurt and I'm not about to admit that to my cold, emotionless husband. "I am doing my best. I didn't expect today to go the way it has, no matter what my father wants to believe."
"What does he believe?" Though we continue to dance there is an air of stillness about him as Severu waits for my answer.
"That I not only helped Carlotta to run, but that it was my idea." If there was a poor opinion to be formed about me, Papà was going to form it.
"Did you?"
My head jerks up and I find Severu looking down at me. I can see the ruthlessness he's known for in his stoic gaze, and I shiver.
"No," I say. "I did not. You can either believe me, or not. I have no proof either way."
He inclines his head, but he doesn't reply. Does he believe me, or my father's view of me? Would Severu have married me if he shared Papà's tendency to think the worst of me? If it meant protecting his image as the all-powerful Don, he might, I have to accede to myself.
We do not talk again for the rest of the dance. When it is over, Papà is standing there, ready for the father-daughter dance. I instinctively step back, in the other direction. I have no intention of participating in that mockery.
Severu's hand settles firmly against my back, stopping me from moving further way. "It is expected," he says. "I will be dancing with my mother."
Like that makes this any more palatable. I would rather dance with his mother than my father. He must realize that.
"I don't want to," I say in a low voice.
"What cannot be changed, must be endured," Severu says in an unbending tone. "It is only one dance."
My father puts his hand out imperiously. Severu pushes me toward him. My sense of safety in his presence vanishes. He is showing me that when it comes to a choice between my well-being and keeping up appearances, I will lose.
Squaring my shoulders, I step forward.
"Good girl," Severu says in an undertone.
More sickened than pleased by his approval, I allow my father to take me into a formal ballroom style dancing stance. The music playing is an orchestral waltz. I'm sure Papà had something to do with its selection. Carlotta would not have gainsaid him.
This is just another calculated scene in Severu's narrative for today. I don't blame him for pretending an affection he doesn't feel, or even that he's made it look like I was part of a "love" triangle and betrayed my sister. He is don and he cannot appear weak in any way. I get that.
Also, he promised to protect Carlotta and he cannot do that if her betrayal becomes known. I understand that too.
But this. Making me dance with my father. Forcing me to endure his touch while my body aches from the beating he gave me. This is taking that narrative too far. Severu could have prevented this.
A voice in my brain asks, "How?" but I ignore it.
Severu may not physically harm me, but he does not care if I am hurt. I am nothing to him but a means to an end. I am his wife to protect his pride, not because he craves me like I crave him.
He did not choose me.
"Smile," my father demands. "The guests are watching."
I ignore him, my gaze fixed over his shoulder. He squeezes me and I refuse to wince from the pain it causes my ribs. I do not look at him. I do not fake a smile.
"You think Severu will thank you for embarrassing him like this?" My father hisses the question.
I do not reply. I have my own narrative for today and in it my father is a monster who forced my 19-year-old sister to become engaged to a 35-year-old man for the sake of his own importance. Though I am twenty-five and well past the age when most mafia daughters marry, Papà never even considering putting me forth as potential wife to our Don.
