Page 32 of Bedazzled
“Keep reading,” Patrick sighed.
Moye serdtse…
If all goes to plan, I will be giving you this ring tonight.
I am not sure why I am writing this, but I wanted to tell you how much I love you in case I am unfortunate enough to forget everything I want to say to you this evening when I propose, and it ends up as an incomprehensible string of Russian instead.
You fly in the face of everything I am used to. You are nothing like the women in my world. You are the only woman I’ve ever been with who truly did not care who I was and in fact, consider my wealth and status as somewhat of an inconvenience. You insist on paying rent for an apartment that is yours. You refuse to allow me to buy you all the things that I want to give you.
But I hope you will not refuse this ring. I know our life is strange and sometimes terrifying. But Ella has found a place within our family, and I wish above all things that you would as well. You are the only one that silences all the noise in my head and allows me to feel - even if it is for a short time - human.
My love, my heart, my soul are yours, Yuri
Numbly, I smoothed the creases in the paper.
“Open the box,” Patrick urged.
“It wasn’t meant for me after all,” I said sadly.
“Lass! Just… c’mon.”
“Fine!” I snapped, opening the little velvet box andoh my god sweet baby Jesus what is this?
“I was with him when he was searching for your ring. It was extremely boring, I’m not gonna lie. But when the family jeweler brought this one to him Yuri said, ‘This is the one. The precise color of her eyes.’ It’s called the Golden Empress. Well, the actual Golden Empress is around 132 carats and wouldn’t be much fun to drag around. This here is the satellite diamond. There’s not another like it in the world.” Patrick held the box up to my eyes and compared them.
“I’ll be damned, he was right.” Shutting the box, he placed it in my lap.
“Look… this is really sweet and it was… nice, I guess, to see this. But Yuri does not love me. He sleazed out of town without a goodbye. He wrote me a fucking note! If Ella and I hadn’t bumped into him outside that restaurant I never would have seen him again and oh, for the record, it took him a mere forty-eight hours to get over his heartbreak and sorrow and to get a leg over some Russian daddy’s girl! So,noPatrick, this-”
His hand went over my mouth. “Can you just hold off for a minute?” I narrowed my eyes and licked the palm of his hand. “Really now?” Patrick sighed, wiping his hand on his jeans. “Please hear me out. What happened to Yuri is about as bad as it gets. Being powerless, strapped down, and tortured for days… I asked him once how he did it, how could he have held on that long? He said it was you. Yuri said in his mind he was with you and you saved him.”
I drew my knees up, resting my forehead against them. I was overwhelmed and heartbroken and I knew my pathetic emotions were bleeding all over my face and I couldn’t look at him.
“That’s something that does not go away, a love that gives the strength to endure all things.” He got up and fetched the roll of paper towels from the kitchen and handed it to me.
After wiping my face, I took a few deep cleansing breaths to give me a couple of seconds to think. “Even if this is true, it still doesn’t change that Yuri chose to leave. And he’s getting married. Are you telling me this to cheer me up and convince me I’m the love of his life or some-”
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you!” Patrick interrupted me. “Yuri has closed himself off. He does nothing but work, and then works out to build his strength up again. He’s marrying this girl because it’s a useful Bratva alliance. The boss didn’t even ask him to do it.”
“Knowing Maksim has arranged marriages for both of his sisters, this is a shocker,” I said with more than a bit of snark.
“The point here,” bless him, poor Patrick was really trying to keep this conversation on track. “The point is that he needs you. He loves you like no one else in the world, and I know you love him. But here’s the reason I am risking my position and possibly my life by telling you this. Without you, Yuri may as well be dead. When I talk to him, it’s like he’s…” He thinks about it. “He’s not eventhere anymore.”
I was clutching the ring box in one hand and the letter in the other. “You know, if this was a rom-com you would totally be cast as the sassy best friend.”
“Really? This is as far as my sentimental Irish self can go - especially after that wisecrack - so I’ll be taking my leave, thank you very much,” Patrick says sourly. “I’m gonna let you think about this. You only have seventy-two hours to decide what you want to do about it.” He held up a card with his name and number and put it on top of the letter. “I’ll be around for the next day or so if you need my help.”
I stared at the door after he closed it behind him.
I tried to work for the rest of the night, but after going back over the fact sheet I was putting together for a merger and realizing half of it was wrong, I gave up.
I should call Ella, she’d help me figure this out. But… is it right to put her in this position? Knowing Patrick blabbed to me in a completely non-Obshchakway? And what was I going to do with this information?
The one thing I knew that was absolute and irrevocable in the Bratva was that once you married, you were married for life. Not that it stopped any of the men - most of those misogynistic assholes just took on a stable of escorts and mistresses, but no such thing as divorce. Ever.
If I’m going to talk to Yuri, it has to be before he did this completely irrevocable thing. Was it already too late? Could he even get out of this engagement? What could I even say that would possibly make a difference?
All my doubts, my self-hatred, the shame of never being enough broke through the walls I thought I’d constructed so well to keep it all in. Everything that surged over me the night he left me came oozing back.
