Page 49 of Bedazzled
“...Will you and Alexi be attending?” Yuri asked.
“I hope we can. This year, we could take Yana as her debut of sorts into Russian society now that she is fifteen. It depends on Alexi’s business in Moscow.”
Smiling to myself, I heard her slight lilt that put quotation marks around the word ‘business.’
Lucya turned to me, “We’ll have our stylist come over and she can dress both of us for the ball.”
Shrugging awkwardly, I looked between her and Yuri. “A ball?”
“Theball,” she corrected, “the biggest social event of the year here in St. Petersburg.”
“And you will need a gown,” Yuri said, “something magnificent, a…” he smiled, “what you call a fairy princess dress.”
Yuri hitched up his impeccably pressed trousers and sat with us. I guess the buffer of Lucya made it easier for us to circle around each other. Feeling his kiss on my cheek made my ovaries wake up and start shrieking like circus monkeys. I hadn’t been with anyone since Yuri left me and… well, shit. How pathetic was it that all it took to turn me into a needy mess was a kiss on the cheek?
Yana trotted over when she heard her mother talking about her.
“This is the year, Mama?” she asked eagerly, “I finally get to come?”
“Yes,sladkaya kartoshka,it is,” Lucya said fondly.
She calls her sweet potato?I thought,that’s freaking adorable.
“But,” she continued, “you’ll need dance lessons first, you’ll have to learn to dance the waltz. It’s much more formal.” She looked slyly between Yuri and me. “You know, Ella tells me that these two are amazing dancers. They always stand out because they move so well together.”
“Oh, that was just Yuri,” I said hastily, “he had all those lessons as a kid.”
“No, you both dance so beautifully,” Lucya persisted, “Would you show her how a waltz is done?”
“Yes!” Yana said, pulling me up from my seat, “Show me!”
He rose, looking for a moment like my Yuri, with a wicked little smile, and stepped closer. I almost took a step back, then planted my feet.
Hold your ground, you’re not afraid of him.
“You hold your arms like so,” he instructed Yana while he lifted my hand with his, sliding his other arm around my waist. “See the position? Tania has her head raised high, elegantly…”
From the corner of my eye, I could see Lucya lean forward, seeing Yuri’s sudden warmth the way I did. His hand flattened against my back and the warmth of it seared through my dress. I have missed how warm he always was, how he could burn off the chill from the coldest day.
“Once you have your position, move your right foot as your partner moves their left, and…” His conversational tone faded away along with the little lesson as he gazed down at me. I could see conflict in his eyes - so close to Caribbean blue - then regret, and… fear? It couldn’t be fear. That was ridiculous.
Smoothly pulling away from me, Yuri glanced down at his phone. “Ladies, please excuse me, I’m running late for a meeting.” He slipped away before I could ask him if he would be home for dinner.
Yuri…
Pitiful. You are pathetic, you cannot dance with your wife, you cannot touch her without cracking wide open? Is this all the self-control you can manage?
My father’s voice mocked me, but the fear was all mine.
Heading swiftly through the hall toward the front door, I cursed myself. I could not touch Tania; I couldn’t dance with her and hold back the avalanche of emotion I felt. Feeling her silky skin again, her rosemary and jasmine scent made my bones ache with the need to hold her. But the need made me weak. I could not risk being soft. Missing what we had together was tied up somehow with my memories of the kidnapping. I could not feel one without feeling both.
I couldn’t feel much of anything without crumbling, I needed to stay away from my wife as much as possible until I was stronger. I walked out the front door and away from the garden, where every part of me wanted to be, with Tania on my lap, holding her head with my fingers buried in her hair, kissing her until she was breathless.
Still, after overhearing her talking about music, I made a phone call to the best musical instrument store in St. Petersburg and took their suggestion for a 1923 John Juzek Master Art violin and bow. It was sitting on her chair in the dining room so she would find it when she came down for breakfast. Tania could continue to make music, even if it was no longer with me.
During the week leading up to the Imperial Ball, I found Tania was researching Russian history and the background behind the event. At dinner one night, she asked, “Why is this particular ball such a big deal?”
“The First Imperial Ball was a concoction by the nobles from Russia and Austria in the 1800s,” I said, “the Austeris Group reintroduced the Ball for the first time since 1903. This is an important night for introducing you to St. Petersburg society.”
