Page 27 of Mistaken
Tania and Yuri stepped up behind us, holding heavy golden crowns. They hovered them just over our heads, and I could see Tania’s skinny little arms shake. It didn’t stop her from winking at Yuri, who gave her a quick grin in return.
The woman really had no shame. At all.
Maksim took my left hand, sliding my “engagement” ring -can it really be an engagement ring if there’s no actual engagement?I thought, and then my wedding ring. To my horror, a slight chuckle erupted from me from the same line of thought, is it really a wedding ring if…? Maksim is staring at me, eyebrow lifted and I realize the guy in the huge hat - the Archbishop? - is staring, too. Tania nudges me, handing me a ring. I’ve never seen it before, but it suits Maksim, a simple, thick, platinum ring. He’s lifting his left hand, squeezing my right hand with his, urging me on.
I’m not religious. However, there was something about these ancient rites, spoken in a language I don’t understand that’s terrifying me. This is a serious thing. It feels bigger than me and the man who’s squeezing the hell out of my hand. It feels like something I’m never getting out of.
My dilemma is solved when Maksim pushes his hand forward, slipping the ring onto his finger without my help. He has a death grip on my right hand as he leads me in a circle, three times, following the Archbishop.
When we’re back in place, the Archbishop recites scripture to Maksim, who nods respectfully, and then turns to me. "And thou, O bride, be thou magnified as Sarah, and glad as Rebecca, and do thou increase like unto Rachael, rejoicing in thine own husband, fulfilling the conditions of the law; for so it is well pleasing unto God."
I realize he’s changed my blessing to English, and I hold back a sniffle. It’s a moment of kindness on this horrible day that I didn’t expect, so I smile gratefully and nod, too.
It’s like these last words set off a starting pistol, because my new husband takes my face in his giant hands and latches on. It’s less a kiss and more a mauling, especially at first, his lips sucking at mine and his tongue sliding in without permission. I would think this is in bad taste during a religious ceremony, but the longer he’s attacking my mouth, the louder the cheers get. At some point, I’m sagging against him, and Maksim wraps an arm around my waist and keeps going, his other hand spanning my jaw and keeping me steady.
Is he…? Is this conniving, perverted gangster trying to make me kiss him back?
His smooth lips are softer, his tongue gently toying with mine and urging me to slide it into his mouth. The wedding guests are cheering loud enough that this is sounding more like a rugby match than a wedding.
And then, I blow it.
Just one whimper. Just one girly noise and he finally pulls back, his beautiful face still scarily intent and focused, but at least I can draw a full breath again. He turns, leading me back up the aisle, nodding and smiling in his most patented charming way. I’m praying this mess wasn’t filmed because I’m sure I look like a cross between a lunatic and a simpleton, mouth hanging open and a wide-eyed stare.
Because this Russian mobster owns me. Legally. And in the eyes of God, if there is one. But worst, in the eyes of the Bratva.
“Holy shit, I think I just found that iceberg that sank the Titanic!” Tania’s moving my hand under the light, enjoying my wedding ring. “Seriously, are you walking with your right shoulder higher than your left yet?”
Yuri, who’s been keeping suspiciously close to her, chuckles indulgently. “My brother never does anything by half-measures.”
Satan’s Wedding Planner bustles up and starts yanking me away. “We need to get in position for the receiving line.”
“Please let go of me,” I’m trying to come up with a complete string of words that will convince this red-lipsticked harpy to get her hand off of me before I bite it. Karida ignores me, of course, until Tania steps in front of her.
“Hey! Let go of her,” she says sharply. “You’re going to bruise her arm and that will not look good in the wedding videos.” Karida releases me like I just set her hand on fire and I smile at Tania, mouthing, “Thank you.”
“I have to go to the ladies’ room.” I was already backing toward the exit and Karida glared. “The bruising would look bad, but peeing all over my wedding dress is worse, don’t you think? Five minutes.”
One of Maksim’s thugs is following us, but at this point, I don’t care. It’s not like I can manage a quick getaway in a $25,000 Vera Wang wedding dress. We pass a small corridor leading to the hotel’s kitchens and lo and behold, Lurch is getting a blowjob from one of the banquet servers, he’s leaning up against the wall, looking very pleased with himself.
“Aren’t you on the clock?” I snarled. He looks up with his mean, slitted eyes, but he’s trying to finish and get his pants zipped at the same time, so I don’t think he’s a master at multitasking.
Once in the ladies’ room with the door locked, I slump against the velvet fainting couch, grateful for the first time that we women get furniture in our fancy bathrooms and the men don’t.
“You don’t really have to pee, huh? Are we hiding from someone?” Tania’s rubbing my back and checking her hair in the mirror.
“Aside from the obvious reasons that would make me prefer cutting off my arm to standing in a reception line to shake hands with made men and mobsters, there’s a girl here…”
“One of Maksim’s exes? Because you know with that huge jackhammer dick, that man has left a lot of ladies wanting more-”
“Please, Tania,” I moaned, “no more dick talk, okay? When we came out of the spa today-”
“They made you have a spa day?” Her sympathy was genuine, she knew my stance on anything spa-related.
“Don’t make me relive it, but when we came out of the spa, Lurch made me get into the SUV alone while he got my purse.”
“Who’s Lurch?” She looked confused but she was kind of enjoying my nickname for that Slavic douche.
“The guy we just passed in the hallway-”
