Page 3 of Shattered Sinner
"Thanks," I said as I watched her walk away.
I could feel Easton’s eyes on me as I threw my things into my bag and stood up. I didn’t want to give him an opportunity to try to stop me. I could feel all eyes on me as I walked out of the classroom with my head held high. That lasted only for a moment because of the grasp on my arm.
I gasped as I turned around to see who grabbed me. My heart pounded in my chest as my gaze landed on the person standing behind me. I yanked my arm away and glared at the man looking back at me.
“Go back to class, Easton!” My words came out as a scream, surprising even myself. I reminded myself that I needed to keep my voice down because I was going to draw attention to us.
Easton didn’t move a muscle, as his gaze didn’t move from me. It felt as if he was daring me to do something. I tried to calm down so that he wouldn’t realize how angry he was making me. I could see the amusement in his eyes, and I hated it.
“If this is the only way I’m going to get a chance to talk to you, then I’m willing to take it.”
“I asked you to leave me alone and I mean it. Leave me the fuck alone, Easton.” If my actual words didn’t make it obvious, the irritation in my voice should have.
I looked around for a split second to make sure that no one was in the hallway. Most people who might have been wandering around this academic building were in class or so far away from us that they weren’t paying attention to the confrontation we were having.
“You’re only bringing attention to yourself, and Dr. Chen is probably wondering what the hell is going on with you now.”
“I don’t give a damn.”
“Maybe you should because I do. I also have more important shit to do than to talk with you. Take a hint and leave me alone. If you make a move to touch me again, I’m going to scream, and we wouldn’t want that now, would we?”
Before he could respond, I turned on my heel and walked away. A sliver of confidence appeared as I pushed my shoulders back and left Easton standing there.
“This isn’t over, Bianca. You can bet on that.”
His words sent a shiver through my entire body, and I hated it. I knew that his words were a promise he intended to keep. I let them wash over me as I walked out of the building. I stepped into the cool autumn air that was quickly turning into winter. The deep breath that I was able to take without Easton being near, allowed me to release some of the tension causing havoc in my body. This felt like freedom, even if it was only temporary.
I unlocked my car door and slid into the driver’s seat with a needy sigh. I turned on some emo music because that was what I was feeling in the moment, and I drove back to my place. There was some guilt in my mind about lying to Dr. Chen about seeing a therapist. Deep down, I knew that I should go talk to someone about… well everything, but I wasn’t ready. Whether I ever would be was another question entirely, and I honestly didn’t know.
As soon as I was in my apartment, I slammed the door closed behind me and dropped my book bag on the floor near my counter. I didn’t bother with pretenses and immediately went to pour myself some vodka into a glass. I was doing it to partially numb the pain I was feeling, but to also give myself something to do.
To make myself feel slightly better, I threw a couple of ice cubes into the glass, to dilute the liquor a bit as I was drinking it. But this time, the alcohol did little to mask my pain, yet I couldn’t bring myself to stop.
By my second drink, I was shaking my head at myself. “I need to get my life together,” I mumbled.
Yet I didn’t take the words to heart. I spent the rest of the day drinking, unable to escape the burden I’d been forced to carry. There had to be something I could do, but my thoughts didn’t make any sense. What I did know was I needed to find a way out of all of this, even if I had no idea how right now.
I turned on the television and curled up into a ball on my couch after I grabbed a blanket to lay over my body. Darkness started to take over my vision and my thoughts became convoluted. Leaving all of this behind circled my brain quicker than the alcohol flowing through my system.
As I started to feel sleepy, I whispered, “Tomorrow. Tomorrow is when all of this will make sense."
But my gut told me that was a lie. None of this was that simple and questions about whether I would be able to face any of this rose to the surface.
I was truly and utterly fucked.
* * *
The next day,I woke up to a throbbing headache and a queasy stomach. It wasn’t shocking to me given the nature of what I’d been doing the previous day, but that didn’t make how I was feeling any better. The room spun around me, making me dizzy. I was foolish to try and sit up, but when I did, the sudden movement made me want to vomit, so I laid back down on the couch.
"Ugh," I groaned, as I tried to keep my eyes open. I quickly accepted defeat and closed my eyes due to the light from the sun shining in and my hangover. "Why did I do this to myself?"
The real question was why I continued to do this to myself, but we would address that problem another day.
I glanced at my end table and saw that drunk me was apparently very smart and left a bottle of water and aspirin on the table. I swallowed two pills with help from the water. Either way, there wasn’t much I could do other than rest and hydrate myself as I hoped the medication would kick in quickly.
I slowly made my way to my bathroom and sighed when my eyes narrowed due to the bright light and landed on my reflection in the mirror. I closed them again, trying to give myself the time to adjust to the brightness that surrounded me.
My eyes were bloodshot, the bags underneath them seemed to be growing darker purple and heavier by the second. My hair was a hot, tangled mess, sticking out of the messy bun I’d placed it in the night before. I was embarrassed by the complete and utter wreck in front of me.
