Page 16 of Shattered Sinner
I needed to start living for me instead of trying to please everyone around me.
The realization slapped me in the face like a ton of bricks and I sighed. It would be much harder than just acknowledging it, but I needed to work toward it.
It was a matter of figuring out how. Because once I did, it would be time to rewrite my life and not let any of my past mistakes define me.
9
BIANCA
Itook a sip from my glass of water before my fingers landed on my mousepad once more. I should have cleared my desk of the papers and notebooks before I decided to get to work on my laptop, but I hadn't. I was sitting at my desk, staring at the computer screen as I opened a new tab. After typing a URL and clicking a few buttons, I sat back and waited for the website to populate on my computer screen.
The idea for this came to me last night when I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed, going through everything that had happened for the one thousandth time, and knew that if I couldn't fall asleep, I needed to be formulating a plan to get out of this engagement and potential marriage.
That's when it hit me.
If I wasn't here, I couldn't get married.
I paused for a moment to look out my window, allowing myself to get distracted momentarily before I took a deep breath. I turned my attention back to the website and searched until I found the virtual form I was looking for. After spending most of the night wondering what I was going to do about this impending engagement, this morning, I took the first step by applying to open a new account at another bank.
My fingers trembled as I typed in the information. It felt as if I was sneaking around, which I was, but also, I was an adult and had every right to open a bank account if I wanted to. I didn’t know if I would even be approved, given that I was a student and I didn’t have my parents on the account, but it was worth a shot.
Then, if I could take small amounts of money out of my main bank account and deposit it into this account, maybe I could accumulate enough money to get the hell out of here. But I had no choice. I needed to escape this hell.
As I clicked "submit" on the application, my thoughts drifted back to Easton and what happened before he stormed out of my apartment the night before. I’d spent most of the night wondering if I believed that he didn’t sell me out to my father.
Just after I closed the tab, I heard a knock at the door. My heart skipped a beat. Who could it be? There were very few people who could come in here without having the front desk reach out to tell me I had a visitor, and I didn’t want to see any of them. I hesitated for a moment before making my way to the door.
"Who is it?" I asked as I dreaded the response I was about to receive.
"It's Nash.”
What the fuck is he doing here?
Before I could second-guess myself, I opened the door to find Nash standing there. I stared at him for a moment and noticed how he looked the exact opposite of Easton yesterday. My eyes landed on his slightly bruised hand, briefly wondering if he’d had an incident related to football.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
I thought about it for a moment before nodding and stepping aside to let him in. As soon as he entered, I could feel the tension in the air, and I hated that we’d gotten to this place. The silence that passed between us was awkward. The only time I had memories of instances like this between Nash and I were when Mom would force us to apologize to one another when we were fighting. However, this was very different.
"What are you doing here, Nash?"
"I wanted to come over to see how you were.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. A phone call or a text would have accomplished this without him having to go out of his way. I was willing to admit that we’d been close before all of this blew up, but I wasn’t sure if I ever remember Nash stopping by to see how I was before.
"Is that the only reason?" I asked, my voice was icy to even my ear.
He paused for a moment before he spoke again. "No, I wanted to apologize for what happened with me telling Easton not to date you. I’d heard some things about Easton at the time and didn’t want you to be someone added to his roster. The way I went about it was completely wrong, and I should have just spoken to you about what I’d heard.”
I nodded slowly as I tried my best to remain composed despite every emotion that was swirling inside of me.
"I appreciate the fact that you came over here to tell me to my face.” I waited a moment before I continued. “The last few days have been hell, and I’m still coming to terms with it all.”
I appreciated my brother coming to me to apologize, but I thought about the plan I was beginning to implement that would get me out of this. I thought it best not to tell Nash anything about my plans to get the hell out of town.
It then dawned on me that I was prepared to do something similar to what his girlfriend had done years ago. If I did carry through with all of this, I couldn’t leave Nash completely in the dark.
“It was the least I could do.”
