Page 25 of Shattered Saint
Then again, I wasn’t any good at keeping my promises.
BIANCA
PRESENT DAY
"Shots!"
I jumped and clapped my hands together. This moment had been building within me since the last shot I took.
"Are you ready?"
I grabbed the shot glass that was placed in front of me and nodded almost as quickly as I was clapping. I was already several drinks deep and couldn't wait to add this oneto my body. After all, that’s what tonight was all about.
I put the shot glass in front of me and then placed my hands around my back. With just my mouth I leaned forward with my mouth open wide. I wrapped my lips around the shot glass and tipped my head back, swallowing the alcohol in one big gulp.
Vodka.
My old tried and true.
The liquid provided a warmth I couldn’t replace. It made being in this room full of people bearable. I forced a smile on my face as I twirled around. Hearing people cheering for me as I drank provided an adrenaline rush that I couldn’t describe.
The clapping from my sorority sisters cheered me on as I did another small dance. It was as if I was on cloud nine.
Yet it only lasted for a few seconds before I was again ready to be alone in my apartment, away from the rest of the world. Instead, I was at the center of a party at Eta Sigma Nu, the sorority I pledged to during the spring semester of my freshman year.
Someone grabbed my arm, and I looked up to find Taylor, one of my sorority sisters, standing beside me. “This might be the best party that we’ve ever thrown!”
Even in my drunken state I could see that Taylor’s eyes were glassy. She and I must have been riding the same wave because I suspected that my gaze probably looked similar. I wondered how much she had to drink tonight.
“It might be,” I said with my fake smile. Most of the parties that I attended nowadays blended together, so it was hard to tell where one started and another one ended.
Here I was in a crowded room, surrounded by friends and acquaintances alike, yet I still felt like I didn’t quite belong. It wasn’t as awkward as the fundraisers I’d attended with my family over the last couple of years, but the feeling that I shouldn’t be here still persisted. With it now being the beginning of my sophomore year, you would think I would be used to this, but there was still something missing.
I didn’t have much I needed to worry about. Outside of my studies and grades, I was involved in my sorority and their foundation, hung out with friends, and partied hard. To others, my life was perfect, but on the inside, I felt lost. I attributed it to my age and the stage in my life, but I wasn’t sure.
I shook the feeling off and kept dancing. After all, I needed to play my part as the life of the party. The party continued for hours, and over time, a headache began to form. When I checked my phone and saw that it was after two in the morning, I knew I had to get home. I made my way through the crowd and with each step I took, the headache became more pronounced. When I made it through the throng of bodies, everything became a blur as I tried to figure out the world around me.
I gasped when my eyes landed on the man that I’d been intentionally trying to avoid for almost two years. I closed my eyes for what had to be several seconds and then opened them again. But he wasn’t there. Had I just imagined it?
I shook my head slightly and it did nothing to clear my alcohol laden fog. I wasn’t sure how I did it, but after a few wobbly steps, I managed to make it to the front door. I sidestepped a couple that was making out and opened the door, where I was greeted by a cool breeze. The relief I felt on my warm skin was more than welcomed.
I steadied myself by holding onto the railing. My eyes snapped shut as I waited for the dizziness to fade away.
“Bianca?”
I turned to the person who said my name. It took me some time to be able to get my eyesight to focus, but once I did, I was able to make out that it was Lucy.
“Hey,” I said slowly, trying to seem more sober than I actually was. “How are you doing?”
I wasn’t sure if I was slurring my words, but she came up to put an arm around my shoulder.
“Do you need a ride home? I haven’t been drinking tonight because I have a huge test coming up.”
I nodded my head and wished I hadn’t, but it got the point across. She walked me to her car and then helped me into the passenger seat. I immediately rolled down the window because I was worried about throwing up.
Somehow, I managed to keep myself together, and the drive to my place wasn’t too bad. I thanked Lucy and managed not to embarrass myself too much before I got into my apartment. Once Lucy was gone, I laid on my couch and closed my eyes, enjoying the silence that surrounded me. But that only lasted for a minute.
Because I’d passed out.
