Page 65 of Shattered Saint
Which choice can I live with, and which one can I live without?
I stared at the short list before I circled one of the options and walked over to grab my phone once more. I found our texting thread from when we’d coordinated meeting up with one another, and I typed out a message before throwing myself back down on the couch.
Me: Hey are you available tonight?
If I thought the last thirty minutes were horrible, this would be ten times worse. Now there was nothing I could do but wait.
Please answer quickly.I didn’t know if I had in me to stop myself from having a panic attack because I was waiting for his response.
As if someone had heard me, my phone buzzed on the couch cushion. I took a deep breath to steady myself before I grabbed the phone and read what appeared on the screen.
Easton: I just got out of the shower. It would be a pleasure to have you come over.
I could sense the sexual undertones in his message. Although I enjoyed it, this wasn’t what I was looking for tonight.
Me: I want to talk.
Easton: I’m down for that too.
This time I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. At least his words made me smile.
Me: What time should I come over?
Easton: Whatever time works for you.
Me: How about now?
Easton: Sure.
I tucked my phone into the pocket of my jeans and grabbed my purse. I double-checked to make sure I had everything I needed in my bag before I walked out of my apartment and locked the door behind me.
Doubt crept into my mind as I drove the short distance to Easton’s apartment. I was grateful that we were meeting at his place instead of him coming to mine, because I liked having an escape plan in case this didn’t go the way I hoped it might go.
But will all this really be worth it?I couldn’t help but think. I tried to be positive about everything, but uncertainty won out.
Once I’d parked my car and was on my way up to his apartment in the elevator, my anxiety decided to kick things up a notch. I was putting my feelings on the line and being vulnerable, with the chance of having it all smashed to pieces.
When I reached his front door, I paused as I gathered the courage to knock.
You wanted to talk to him. Now's your chance.
I needed to just do it without thinking about it any longer. I glanced to my right and then to my left before I finally knocked on the door.
"Coming!" Easton called out.
The panic within me intensified. I grabbed my phone to give my hands something to do while I waited.
And then the door opened.
I was momentarily stunned as I stared back at Easton, but thankfully, he spoke first.
"Hey, Bianca. Is everything okay?"
"I hope so. Can we talk?"
"Of course," he replied, stepping aside so that I could walk in.
I hesitated for a moment before I walked into the comfort of his home. The door clicking closed behind us screamed volumes.
