Page 23 of Shattered Saint
“It meant nothing to me.”
“Now, I know that’s a lie.”
Easton shook his head sharply as if he was growing frustrated with me. “Bianca, don’t make me say it.”
“No, say it. Say how you feel and then I'll leave you alone.” My voice was just above a whisper, but my anger dripped from every word.
The green eyes that brought me such warmth last night, were now as cold as ice. “You were nothing more than an easy fuck. Nothing more, nothing less.”
My lips trembled as I closed my eyes. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. With a deep breath, I opened my eyes, looked into his, and said, “The only thing that I want you to do is not tell anyone about last night. Especially not my brother. That’s the bare minimum you could do for me.”
Easton nodded. I held out my hand for him to shake and when he did, I ignored the buzzing I felt from touching him again. It was then that I decided that I couldn’t be in the room with him any longer. I turned on my heel and left the room. I thought I might have heard Easton whisper something that sounded like goodbye, but I wasn’t sure. I also wasn’t about to turn around to find out.
Just as I was about to enter the guest room, Nash exited his room and looked at me with a bright grin.
“Are you going to come and watch us play today?”
I thought about it for a second and said, “I’ll try. Maybe I’ll meet up with a couple of friends and they’ll come along too.”
“Excellent, I’ll see you later.”
I walked into my bedroom for the weekend and shut the door behind me. The tears that I’d done my best to hold onto were in freefall down my face, but I managed to remain quiet until the front door slammed closed.
I grabbed the closest thing to me, my comb, and flung it at the wall. The sound as it made contact did little to calm me down.
I threw myself down on the bed as the weight of the situation fell on my shoulders. There was no way that I could ever see Easton again, but then again, it wasn’t as if I could avoid him. Nash and he had grown close over the last few months, and while I could avoid him after this weekend for a while, eventually I’d be attending Brentson as well. This was nothing but an awkward, tension-filled mess that I now had to live with.
I was such a fucking idiot.
I buried my face in my hands, giving my tears another place where they could land. The words he whispered in my ear last night almost felt like a figment of my imagination, but my body told me that everything was real.
Nothing remained but the memories of bliss that had now been replaced by the sting of sorrow.
8
EASTON
Sleep should have overtaken me a long time ago, yet here I was, staring up into darkness, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. The shadows on my walls danced as if they were at a rave, openly mocking me for what I’d done. Closing my eyes should have gotten rid of the problem, but it didn’t.
I should have been happy. After all, we’d won our game earlier today, and I’d partied way too hard after it. I did have a slight headache, but that wasn’t the reason I was awake.
I'd gone to bed hours ago, yet I tossed and turned all night. When I looked out my window, I was slowly watching the beginnings of the sun starting to rise. If I didn’t fall asleep soon, the sun would be greeting me and my only saving grace was that today was Sunday.
And yet sleep still eluded me.
Fortunately, I knew what the cause was.
I was a fucking liar.
The act of admitting it to myself didn't hurt as much as it should have.That could be due to how many times I’d repeated it to myself since it happened.
I lied straight to Bianca’s face. Even though she probably hated me, that would be easier than telling her about the agreement her brother and I reached. Besides my attraction to her, the fact that she was off-limits due to the deal between Nash and me made her even more enticing. Not to mention, being with me would be detrimental to her and her future, and I didn’t want to put her through that.
The hurt that radiated from her blue eyes as I spoke those words to her was enough to burn. Every expression that crossed her face as I spoke was etched in my memory despite how hard she tried to hide them from me. However, it was obvious that she was holding back tears and that killed me. I wasn't sure how I would ever remove the memories. The guilt that came along with what I said hadn't lessened an ounce either, making it very hard to pretend that everything was okay.Replaying thelook on her face when I said the words that turned me into a liar was what would haunt me forever.
Not only had I lied to her, but I'd lied to Nash as well. Technically with him, it was a lie by omission, but it was a lie, nonetheless. I made a promise that I wouldn't pursue anything with her, and then, being that close to her again along with seeing that she clearly wanted to see what could happen between us too, I couldn't resist even though I should have. Now there were bigger issues at stake than the state of Nash's and my relationship.
At least I’d made sure to find the clothes we dropped along the way and cleaned up the mess we made before I left Bianca tucked in tight in her brother’s apartment. If I hadn’t, there would have been a whole lot of questions we would have needed to answer immediately.
