Page 83 of A Lifetime of Afters
“I…” His face contorted and he looked down, breathing out heavily. When he raised his chin, he looked straight through me. “I told him I wanted you. Told him you wanted me, too.” He swallowed, looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, fuck,” he blinked back tears, his voice shaking. “Told him I was falling in love with you.”
He sucked in a breath and exhaled a sob he quickly swallowed. His chest heaved.
Tears streamed unchecked down my face, collected in the divot of my collarbone, and emptied down between my breasts. I hung onto him tightly. Hugging him with my thighs, holding his beautiful face in my hands.
His voice strangled, a look of horror and disbelief flitting over his face, he continued brokenly, “He took my car. The one he found for me to rebuild. I went to my parents’ place to wait for him. You and Harley were sitting on the front porch…”
“Oh, no,” the final piece fell into place, and it was tragic. My body went limp, my hands dropped from his face. I stared at him, mouth open in shock.
“The officer came to the door…”
I sprang back to life and wrapped my arms around him. “Oh, God, Hawk… it’s okay. I hear you, baby. I get it,” I assured him.
His arms locked around me as he rocked us back and forth.
“So much crying. Mom’s screams. Dad,” his voice broke, “My dad… the noises he made... Harley’s,” he gulped, “…face.”
I remembered.
I lived this nightmare with him.
Relived it almost every day.
“And you, baby?” I stroked his hair, kissed up and down the side of his face, pressed closer. “Where were you in all this?”
I knew exactly where he was. He stood at the outskirts. His hands in his pockets. Face blank, eyes bleak. I thought he was in shock. I guess he was, but I never guessed the extent of the reason why. I lost him that day, too. We all did.
His fingertips dug into my back. His body bowed tight as he pressed his face between my breasts, a guttural cry escaping. His tears joined mine in the valley of my breasts. A river of tears. “I lost…you that day.” He dragged in a shuddering breath, rocked deeper, fingers bruising my ribs as he clung to me. “I lost …him that day. I lost …me that day. And they lost everything because of me.”
I held on.
Shared his grief.
Held his guilt.
Assuaged his horror.
When his tears abated, I pushed up to my knees and wrapped myself around him. “I’m sorry, Hawkley. I’m sorry that happened to you.” Leaning back, I held his face in my hands and stared into his glossy eyes and gave him back the truth. “Hunter would die a thousand deaths if he knew what this did to you. It was not your fault, baby. It was a fucking tragic accident. It was not your fault.”
His body heaved. He bent his neck back to pull in a breath, his eyes wild, then fell apart in my arms, body shaking, hands gripping my shirt tight then smoothing it down over my back over and over.
“I miss him.”
“Every day, I miss him.”
“Our last words…”
I ran my hands over every part of him I could reach. “I know, baby. But know this. No two brothers loved each other the way you two did. He would have gotten over it. He would have been your best man. And he would have absolutely spit-fire roasted you for stealing me away from him when he gave his speech.”
He rewarded me with a wet, garbled laugh. Slowly his body calmed, his hands at my back became more purposeful, his mouth hit my throat, a hiccup escaping as he gently bit down and kissed it better. “Noelle,” he gritted out, his voice tight. “Need you.”
“Yes, Hawk. Always yes.”
Unsnapping his jeans, he shifted me to my back on the floor, ripped my panties down my legs, and covered me with his mouth. Frantically, he brought me to orgasm. Then, rearing up over me, he pushed his jeans over his ass. Body quaking, eyes wild, he lined up and drove inside me. His hand around the back of my neck, he yanked my face up to his and filled my mouth with my taste on his tongue, the salt of his tears on his lips, as he cried out his release inside me.
Lying on the floor in an exhausted heap, he looked at me, his eyes finally clear. He offered me a smile that faded all too quickly, “I need to go away for a while.”
The blood drained from my face. A wave of nausea churned in my stomach. Gathering my heels beneath me, I made to skitter away from him.
