Page 81 of A Lifetime of Afters
I lifted my head to see him.
He stared into space, lost in time. Finally, he spoke, his voice low and controlled. “I lied to you.”
About what? My heart stuttered in my chest.Please, God.I closed my eyes.Don’t let me be disposable to him.
Pushing concern for myself aside, I concentrated on him. Rubbing soothing circles over his tender heart, I asked, “About what?”
Silence stretched between us to the point I thought he’d fallen asleep when he covered my hand with his. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Today… tonight… could you just hold me?”
Tall and strong on the outside. So very capable. Successful. Controlled.
On the inside, much like the rest of us.
Ever so slightly broken.
“I can do that, baby.” I kissed his naked shoulder and sat up on the edge of the bed, quickly stripping down to my panties before slipping back under the covers.
I tucked my nose into his curly hair. Splayed my hand protectively over his heart. Pressed a whisper of a kiss behind his ear.
“I’ve got you, Hawkley. Sleep.”
His lack of sleep over the past few weeks caught up with him and he slept clear through until morning.
At six, I slipped from the bed, pulled my hair up into a ponytail, and headed for the kitchen to make coffee and start on breakfast. After skipping dinner the day before, we both needed to eat.
At nine, the shower started. I slipped his eggs and sausage into the pan, popped his bread into the toaster, and set the table. I put the food down just as he walked in.
To my surprise, he looked better. Almost like the fever had broken.
He crossed straight to me and looped his arms around my waist and touched his forehead to mine. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” I replied lightly. Then promised, “Every time.”
He closed his eyes tight, then nodded. Breathed deep. “Should we eat?”
Hawk pulled his chair closer to mine and sat down to eat, his hand on my thigh. His breakfast disappeared in record time. I’d been snacking all morning while I waited for him so mine did not go down quite as quickly.
He sat back in his chair, his hand over his belly. “Delicious, sweetheart. Thank you.”
I assessed his face with a smile. “You’re welcome.”
“Are you coming with us today?”
I put my fork down and shoved my empty plate away. “If you want me?”
“I want you,” he assured me, answering all my unasked questions. “I want you, Noelle. I…” He twisted round to face me, spinning me so that my knees lined up with his. Wrapping his hands around my thighs, he offered me a half smile. “It’s probably not the time, but why waste any of it? I love you, Noelle. I’ve loved you for a long time. In fact, I can pinpoint right to the day, to the hour, I knew I loved you. That I would love you always.”
My eyes skittered back and forth between his. “I should feel happy,” I whispered, “but I feel scared. Is there a but?”
“No,” he shook his head firmly, no hint of shutters over his eyes. “There is no but. I love you. I love you more than life. I suspect I will always love you.” He paused. “Do you love me?”
Vulnerable. For me.
I leaned close to him, my hands cupping his neck. “I can’t pinpoint the time I knew for sure. I think in some capacity, I’ve always loved you. I always will.”
Standing, and pulling me up with him, he pulled me close and cupped the side of my face, his long fingers delving into my hair as he angled my head up. Looking at me intently, he smiled faintly. “You’ve made me un-fucking-believably happy. I want you to know that. I’ve never felt happiness like this in my life.” His eyes turned slightly desperate. He shook me slightly. “I want more of it.”
“You’re going to have it, Hawkley. You’re going to have all of me,” I asserted.
