Page 60 of A Lifetime of Afters
With stage one underway, I turned my thoughts to my next step. I knew part of the key lay in reducing his guilt around Hunter. Another lay in simply loving and appreciating him until he could see his worthiness. Though, as Max pointed out, not knowing ‘his reasons for believing himself undeserving of happiness presented a considerable obstacle’.
Those were his exact words. Harley nearly pissed herself laughing at Max’s psycho-speech.
One of Max’s best qualities was his ability to laugh at himself. As usual, by the time he left Harley, his dimple appeared to be permanently drilled into his cheek.
A soft knock at my door drew my attention.
“Hi, Lou,” I called softly, my heart filling with all the goodness that was having her in my life. “Come on in.”
She shook her head. “Come on, honey. I’m taking you out for lunch.”
I shot up. “Is everything okay?”
“Nothing new has happened but I think it’s time to go over some of the old. And I’m feeling a deep need to check in with you and I’d like to do that over a leisurely lunch so I have time to do that.”
“I’ll grab my purse,” I replied, crossing to grab my coat and scarf on my way. “Where are we going?”
“The closest thing to home we can get without going home,” Lou answered.
Sitting in the passenger seat of Lou’s ancient SUV assailed me with more memories. She refused to get rid of it. Even went so far as to have the entire engine replaced much to Dan’s agonized amusement.
How many times had the five of us piled in here to get dropped off and picked up at school? The movies? The mall on the outskirts of town? Most everywhere else in town, we could walk. But those three places, on the outskirts of town, required a drive.
Or snowmobiles.
We’d only done that once when we were teens. The hell we caught for that stunt didn’t bear thinking about. Even all these years later, I shuddered at the memory.
“Are you cold?” Lou reached to turn up the heat.
“No,” I huffed out a laugh. “I was thinking about the time we took the snowmobiles to go to the movies.”
Lou flicked the indicator to take the turn and laughed. “Child, that was one of the few times I’d ever seen your mama truly angry.” She shook her head. “Dan, too. He always took your antics with a shrug, but when Hawkley and Hunter came in holding Harley between them with her sprained ankle? He had to leave the house.”
Lou slid into an available spot at the curb and led me inside Susie Q’s. Of course. Perhaps it was not the best place to have a private conversation, but it was, like she said, home.
Susie, herself, greeted us at the door. “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” she exclaimed with her hands on her hips. “Look what the cat dragged in! Come here, girl. Give your Aunt Susie a hug.”
Before I could properly respond, Susie jostled me into a bone-crushing hug. “Good to have you back home!” She pinched my ribs. “Let’s get some meat on those bones!”
“Oof,” my breath escaped in a puff of hair that morphed into a delighted laugh. “Susie! I’ve missed you,” I confessed honestly.
She patted my cheek gently and beamed up at me. “Me too, doll. Me too.”
Reaching a hand back for Lou’s, Susie led us to a corner table. Giving Lou a quick kiss on her cheek, she promised to call her to catch up before leaving us.
“She’s still a hurricane,” I noted with a smile.
“Hope she never changes,” Lou agreed.
When we ordered dessert, Susie’s treat, Lou got around to the reason she wanted to go out for lunch.
“I think by now you’ve figured out that Hunter’s death changed Hawkley,” she frowned. “It was a dark time for all of us and I fear, in my grief, I neglected to mother my other two children. I don’t think either of them have properly grieved, if there is such a thing as properly grieving.
“Dan, Harley and I talk about Hunter all the time, but Hawkley never mentions him. It’s like he’s dead to him in every way. As if he never existed. And I know that’s not true. I see the pain in his eyes whenever Hunter is mentioned, but he never speaks of him.
“I don’t think the very mention of his name should still cause him this much grief,” she finished.
Despite her words, Lou’s eyes clearly professed her continual suffering.
