Page 4 of A Lifetime of Afters
Morning arrived with a healthy slice of irony when I, along with a dozen other people, were laid off effective November 1st.
After the meeting, I sat at my desk twirling a long curl around my finger. My thoughts banged around in my head like drunken frat boys. I’d never lost a job before, but I wouldn’t miss it. I should be excited. Usually, I reveled in packing up and moving on, but I did not feel that same sense of restlessness that usually spurred my moves.
April, one of the girls I ate lunch with, plopped down in the chair opposite my desk. My favorite of all of them. Always smiling, upbeat, and quirky…she played Pokemon Go for frig’s sake!
She looked at me expectantly. “So?”
My eyes widened. I leaned toward her, searching her face for clues about what she wanted from me. “What?”
She scoffed. “What?” she mimicked then threw her hands wide impatiently. “What are you going to do?”
I shrugged and relaxed back in my chair. “I don’t know.”
She harrumphed loudly and sat back in her chair.
“What are you going to do?” I asked curiously.
She tilted her head and studied me. “You know that’s the first time you’ve ever asked me something personal about myself or my plans?”
I drew back. “No… that’s not possible.”
She waved me away. “I’m not saying you’re not caring. You are. When I was sick, you organized the casserole brigade. You brought me treats every morning when I was struggling with leaving the baby.” She paused and stared into space before continuing softly. “You are infinitely caring, but you hold yourself back.” Turning back to face me, she went on. “You’re so very careful to not get personally involved. You never share anything personal. Not once in the past three years have you accepted an invitation to visit. Not from me, not from any of the girls.”
I swallowed. The fear of having offended her clawed at my throat.
She stretched her hand across my desk and lay her palm over my madly twirling fingers. “I’m not criticizing you. I don’t know what happened to you to make you draw into yourself the way you do, but I want to let you in on a little secret.”
Stripped raw, my walls vapor, I stared back at her.
Her eyes watered. She squeezed my hand and whispered fiercely, “You are infinite. Your ability to give love and receive love, it isinfinite. I hate to see you alone. You’re far too beautiful, inside and out.”
Closing my eyes, I momentarily shuttered my pain to gather myself. Twice I opened my mouth to respond.
Twice I snapped it shut.
My eyes were still closed when I felt the brush of her lips across my forehead. “I’ll miss you, Noelle.” Pressing her forehead to mine, she snickered. “Now you have to join Pokemon Go so we can still be friends.”
I barked out a watery laugh.
She patted my hand and turned to leave before stopping abruptly. “In answer to your question, I’m going to stay home with my boys for a while. Maybe I’ll finally enroll in that photography course I’ve always wanted to take.” She smiled. “It’s not a bad thing to revisit the dreams of the past now and then. Perhaps now is the right time.”
Perhaps now is the right time.
November 1st.
I’d miss Hallowe’en but it might be better this way.
Less painful.
Looked like I was going home after all.
Chapter Three - Welcome Home
Unbelievable.
No matter which weather app I looked at, they all reported 8-10 inches of snow between now and tomorrow morning. My lips twisted wryly. In retrospect, saving one month’s rent and moving out on October 31st did not represent my best planning.
I looked at my watch. If I left right now, I’d be home by 1:00 a.m. By the time the landlord came to pick up the keys, it would be closer to 2:00 a.m. I was getting off to a late start but at least I wouldn’t be driving when the trick-or-treaters were out in full force.
