Page 41 of A Lifetime of Afters
His eyes narrowed in concentration.
Pretending I didn’t notice, I grabbed the oven mitts and pulled the gooey chicken and cheese goodness from the oven and dished it up.
Sitting on a stool beside my big brother, I reveled in the easy relationship we shared. Max chatted about his work (busy), his dating life (nonexistent), and his (unrequited) travel dreams.
Relaxing back on the barstool next to him, I was unprepared for his sharp turn in subject.
“What happened with the veterinarian? You seemed to like him.”
Surprisingly, tears sprang to my eyes. I had not once cried over Barrett other than that one tear. A disbelieving bark of laughter escaped my lips. “I don’t know why I’m emotional. I didn’t even cry when he first broke up with me, never mind now!”
Unfazed, Max continued, “Did you love him?”
I thought about Barrett, remembered his rare smiles, his tender attention. “You know, I think I could have, maybe I did, but I never let myself go. Not really.”
“Disconnected,” he hummed.
I held my hand up. “Oh, no! No psychoanalyzing me.”
His face split into a boyish grin. How much younger he looked when he smiled! That singular dimple, the one that creased his cheek when he smiled as well as when he nervously chewed his lip.
Mom could never resist that dimple.
“I wouldn’t dare!” He held up one finger. “Can I ask you one question?”
I groaned and lay my forehead down on my crossed arms on the counter. “Go ahead!”
“Have you felt more connected since you came home?”
I stilled. Taking in his question, thinking about how much more alive I felt. The sense of home. The memories that permeated the very air of this town. Harley starfishing on my bed. Dan’s big laugh. Lou’s tight hug. Dad’s gentle wisdom. Max’s worry hidden beneath his big brother antics.
Hawk.
Finally, I nodded my bowed head. “Yes.”
“That’s good, Noelle,” he murmured. “That’s really good.”
“I think so,” I agreed softly.
“Have you seen everybody?” he asked gently.
“Mostly.” I kept my answer vague.
“Have you been out to the cemetery?” he pushed.
“She’s not there, Max,” I retorted. “Neither is he.”
He leaned against the backrest and tipped his beer into his mouth with a sigh. “Don’t I know it.”
Chapter Seventeen - Time
“Gross!” I complained, peeling my leggings off my sweaty legs. “I’m disgusting.”
Thursday after work, I drove directly to Hawk’s place where he immediately tumbled me into bed. By Sunday morning, not having stepped one foot out of the house, and despite the beauty we created between the sheets, we both needed to escape the confines of his walls.
Rising early, we bundled up, filled our thermos at Tim Horton’s, and headed for the trail at Wildflower Bluff. We’d been gifted with a thaw but knew the reprieve would be short-lived. The snow would return with a vengeance, and then the trail would close for the winter. But for today, the sunshine cleared our way.
Always a good hike, when we reached the lookout, a large, flat area that overlooked Silver Lake, we rewarded ourselves with a rest and drank our coffees.
