Page 31 of A Lifetime of Afters
I looked away, unsure how to navigate this. I didn’t want to lie to my best friend but telling her I’d been in love with her brother since I was eighteen might make things awkward. Especially if he moved on and I decided to stay.
Things were bad enough.
“You still have a thing for my brother?” she asked gently.
Startled, I swung round to meet her knowing eyes. I opened my mouth. Once. Twice. Nothing came out.
“So, it’s like that.” She nodded, eyes to the floor as she processed knowledge she thought she had but needed to have confirmed. Her eyes, when they came back to mine, overflowed with sadness. “Sorry for you, honey. Sorrier for him.”
I took a deep breath. Should I tell her?
Before I could make up my mind, she changed the subject.
“So, Barrett. He was easy on the eyes, but inquiring minds want to know,” she nudged me with her elbow, grinning. “He’s kinky, isn’t he? The quiet ones always are. Now that he’s out of the picture and there’s no chance of me running into him, you can tell me!”
I barked out a laugh but turned the imaginary key to my lips.
She flipped back dramatically on her chair. “I can’t even get the good stuff vicariously.”
I laughed and shook my head. “You really need to break up with Paul.”
That night, I lay in my childhood bed after texting back and forth with Hawk for hours. We talked about everything, no subject out of bounds, except for Hunter. Not once did he bring him up. The few times I brought up memories that involved him, he steered the conversation elsewhere.
Unease cast a ripple over the surface of my happiness.
Pushing the worry aside, I turned my mind to the job offer Harley took great pains to assure me was legit.
If Hawkley committed, I would not hesitate. But knowing how much it hurt the first time he showed up with my replacement, I didn’t want to be there to see another.
My thoughts shifted to dinner with my dad. My mom’s empty chair. Bruce winding around his ankles as we ate and how I pretended not to notice the bits of fish that made their way under the table. His acknowledgment that my brother Max worked far too much and only managed to see him once or twice a month. His obvious happiness that I finally came ‘home’.
Maybe I’d take the job.
Temporarily.
Chapter Thirteen - Once
“You don’t seem that happy to be with me,” I probed.
He looked at me briefly before returning his attention to the road. I could almost hear his thoughts working behind his eyes.
His deep voice in my ear when he called that morning sent chills down my spine while my shaking legs dropped me onto a kitchen chair. Bruce wound around my ankles where I sat frozen with nerves. Wondering if he might call it all off before we had a chance to begin.
At his dinner invitation, my free hand shot to the sky, and I kicked my legs up in celebration.
And knocked Bruce clear across the kitchen floor.
I spent most of the afternoon on my stomach offering him treats. Which he refused in favor of licking his nonexistent balls and staring at me belligerently from his one good eye.
When I left for Hawk’s place, he still wouldn’t talk to me.
I parked my car around the side of his house and walked up the path. Could he see me through the window?
Just as I reached the front door, he swung it open revealing a haircut and freshly trimmed beard, polo shirt and jeans, his shirt open at the collar. Somehow, he looked even fiercer than he had with the wild beard.
I blurted, “You’re beautiful.”
That brought a smile to his face. Something that seemed to be in short supply. He reached out for my hand and tugged me inside with a chuckle. “Isn’t that my line?”
