Page 19 of A Lifetime of Afters
“You sure you want to know this?”
I nodded slowly, whispered, “Never been so sure.”
If he could have been mine, I wanted to know what I’d done to lose him. I’d loved him for so long. And that love stood in the way of every relationship I’d had since I’d left home. Left him.
He did not delay. “Hunter loved you first. Before I’d even really noticed you in that way, to be honest. When he revealed his intentions for you and him, I was only beginning to wake up to the reality of you.”
“Hunter loved me?” I laughed.
He didn’t.
I stared back at him in shock. There’d never been the slightest clue that Hunter’s feeling’s for me were anything other than platonic. He certainly never hurt for female company and didn’t hide the fact. The one arena Hunter lived up to his name was in the dating pool.
Hawk’s lips pressed into a straight line, but he offered a tight nod. “He had a one-year plan. As soon as he got that promotion he’d been chasing, he intended to chase you.” His mouth twisted. Bittersweet amusement. “His exact words.”
“But…”
Hawk rubbed a harsh hand over his face and nodded as if he knew what I was about to say. “He dated other women at that time. Lots of other women. I thought perhaps he wasn’t as serious as he let on. And despite my best efforts, you began to take up more and more space in my head. The day you told me you,” he swallowed, “had feelings for me, was the day after he told me he was ready to go after you.” He dropped his head. “He vowed to have you at the altar within the year. Asked me to be his best man.”
“He never told me,” I whispered. “He never pursued me.”
Hawk met my eyes, his bleak. “The car accident happened two weeks later.”
“Oh my God,” I gasped.
What wicked twist of fate was this? I thought back to that terrible time. When the officer came to their door, I was there. Sitting on the front porch with Harley. My memory of that day boiled down to a mess of scattered impressions. Too many tears. Lou screaming, Harley asking questions, so many questions, and Dan’s big body shaking as he wept.
And him.
Silent and withdrawn.
“The next time I saw you, you were with Diane.”
“Yes. She was as good a replacement as any.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have married her. I wasn’t thinking straight. I wanted you but couldn’t have you, then I could, but theguilt… I couldn’t do it to him.”
It wasn’t my turn. That wasn’t how the game worked, but I asked anyway. “Would you do things differently if you could go back and do it again?”
He hung his head. “No.”
That stung. I allowed the nettle to work its way through me. I’d put myself out there, twice, and he rejected me. No matter how honorable he believed his actions to be, that fact remained.
If I asked my next question and got the answer I suspected, would I finally be able to move on?
A fragile hope broke through the winter of my heart’s hibernation. What if he answered differently? What if this could be the beginning of my happily ever after? With him?
Pushing past my fear, I asked, “Do you still have feelings for me?”
His eyes met mine, the storm in them raging. “Never stopped having feelings for you.”
“It’s your turn,” I whispered, feeling as though we stood on the precipice of either the best or worst decision we’d ever made in our lives.
Gruff, his voice full of gravel, he extended the age-old taunt, “Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” I breathed.
He stared at me for too long, his fingers tapping. I saw the moment he began to retreat.
“It’s been almost ten years,” I whispered, reminding him of a fact I bet he knew too well.
