Page 51 of A Lifetime of Afters
He sat facing his desk, his back to the door, long legs stretched out in front of him.
I knocked on the door to alert him of my presence and walked in. “Hawk? What are you doing, honey?”
Frowning, he gripped the arms of the chair and slanted his eyes toward me. “What did Daire say to you?”
“Daire?” I asked, stalling for time.
“Yes, Noelle,” he turned his head to meet my eyes. “Daire.”
“He asked if we were together,” I began as I edged my way closer.
Immediately, his brows drew together and he barked, “What did you tell him?”
Shocked by his reaction, I drew back. “I said yes. I tried to lie but I’m not a good liar.”
He rubbed a harsh hand over his face and growled.
My patience fled, my shame flared, and I rose to my own defense. Hands on hips, I narrowed my eyes. “You know, I could give myself to you. All of me. Anything you want, anything you need, I’ll give you. But I can’t tear myself down for you.”
His eyes snapped with ice as his entire body attuned to me. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I mean,” I began, my voice rising with my temper. “I’m not going to be anyone’s dirty secret.”
His mouth fell open in shock, then he scoffed, “You’re not a dirty secret!”
“But I am a secret,” I pushed, leaning toward him.
“No,” he pushed back, sitting forward, “we’re a secret. But maybe we shouldn’t be anything. Maybe you should be with Daire. He’s interested in you.”
“Don’t get off topic. Daire is not and never has been a part of this.” I took a breath to calm myself. My voice, when I continued, reverberated with the pain of every loss, every rejection. “I don’t want to be a secret. I feel cheap. And I have never felt cheap in any of my relationships. Disposable in the end, but never cheap.”
Standing, he reached out a hand for me to come to him. “I’ve never treated you anything less than precious to me,” he stated firmly. “You are precious to me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and hugged myself. “Keeping us a secret is treating me less than precious,” I argued. “I’m lying to everyone I love. Everyone we love! It’s not right and I can’t do it anymore. We need to come clean.”
“What the hell is going on?”
A startled scream flew from my mouth, and I skittered backward at the sudden intrusion of Max’s booming voice.
His sharp gaze darted back and forth between us. Whatever he saw in Hawk’s face wrenched a growl from his chest and he barreled forward, his fist twisted in the front of Hawk’s shirt as he continued forward and slammed him against the wall.
“Max! No!” I cried, running forward and hanging onto his arm.
“Cheap?” he whispered menacingly, his nose almost brushing Hawk’s. “Did she say ‘cheap’?”
I gasped, lacerated by the word I, myself, had provided.
Hawk stared back at Max, his eyes lifeless.
The sight turned the blood in my veins to ice.
I shouldn’t have pushed.
I should have treasured what we had, what we were building.
I should have given him more time.
With both hands wrapped around Max’s bicep, I felt the vibrations of the adrenalin strumming through him. I yanked on his arm and cajoled, “Max, you have to stop!”
