Page 44 of A Lifetime of Afters
“I’m not,” he firmly denied. “Noelle, there are things… if we tell them…I…” He closed his eyes and tucked his chin to his chest. “When they find out, we’re going to fall apart.”
I gently squeezed his fingers. “How can you say that?”
He shook off my hand and gathered me in his arms instead.
“Hawk? How can you say that?” I worked to get my hands between us, to put some space between us so I could see his face.
“Shh, baby, please.” His fingers knotted into my hair, his face bowed into my neck, he rolled me under him.
His solid weight should have been a comfort, but the thud of his heart and the trembling of his large frame alarmed me. “What’s wrong?”
I ran my hands up and down his strong back, pressing him closer, knowing I’d never become accustomed to the wonder of him in my arms.
Scared out of my mind that I wouldn’t have the opportunity.
“Hawk,” I whispered.
“Please,” he pleaded, low. “Please give me more time.” His fingers bit into the soft flesh of my hip. “I’ll figure it out.” His knee pushed my thighs apart, nesting his groin in the cradle of my pelvis. “Wrap your legs around me.”
And like that, he clung to me.
Eyes wide, my brain scrambled to discern a possible cause for his angst. This couldn’t still be about Hunter, could it?
“Hawk, is this still about Hunter?” I asked softly.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, forcing a grunt from my mouth, but he didn’t let go. “There are things I need to tell you…tell everyone…but I’m not ready.” His chest expanded with a deep breath, nearly crushing mine. “Everything will fall apart, Noelle. And I can’t let that happen. Not yet.” Pushing up to his elbow, his mouth gently covered mine.
A tentative exploration. Whisper soft. A tentative request.
I opened to him, and he groaned. Deepening the kiss, he rolled his hips, the evidence of his desire awakening mine.
“I need to have you,” he murmured against my lips between kisses. “Can I have you?”
The vulnerable note of uncertainty in his voice corralled my spinning thoughts to laser focus on him. “Yes, Hawk. You can always have me.”
His mouth fused to mine, no longer tentative, no longer begging, he demanded my response. The hair on his chest rasping against my breasts, his tongue whorling around mine, licking inside my mouth, drawing me into his. Slipping his hand under my butt, he tipped my pelvis, and dipped inside, back and forth, inch by inch, until fully seated.
“Noelle, Noelle,” he chanted, driving inside me, his eyes screwed shut. “You were always meant to be mine. Always.” His beard chafed the tender skin of my throat as his lips endeavored to kiss every available inch of skin within reach. “And I was always meant to be yours.”
Such sweet words spilling from his lips should have sent my soul soaring. I struggled to grasp the truth behind the words, hidden as it was behind the wary ache in my heart.
I ran my hands up and down his back, feeling his muscles undulate as he moved over me, his breath quickening against my face as he buried himself so deep inside me his ghosts would never find him.
His words, not those of a man in love, but a desperate plea, a painful yearning, a grieving for something not yet lost.
What would it take to hold this man? What could I give that I hadn’t? Was I still holding back?
Rearing up over me, his hand cupped the back of my head. “Stay with me, baby,” he murmured against my lips. “Want you to come with me.”
His stormy eyes held mine, their glossy sheen not lost on me.
I nodded and gave him my mouth.
Tilted my hips, taking him deeper.
My head fell back as he ground against my clit.
“That’s it, baby,” he praised. “That’s it.”
