Page 80 of Shootout
~~Jessie~~
Irefused to look backward. I’d look forward.
Jason had disappeared for hours last night, not telling me where he was going but coming back wasted drunk. He hadn’t said a word all weekend about Banks and me, which was odd. I expected him to gloat, but perhaps I’d underestimated his sensitive side. Emotional discussions weren’t my brother’s jam, anyway.
Monday morning, Jason left on a three-game road trip. I was relieved as I wouldn’t have to watch for Banks around every corner of our building and at work. He’d be on that road trip, too.
I still couldn’t believe Banks and I were through, even though it’d been inevitable. I’d anticipated the end since I first played that prank on my brother, but expecting the breakup to happen didn’t soften the blow. I’d allowed myself to believe things had changed, and we weren’t pretending anymore. I’d fallen in love with the asshole, but he’d jumped at the first chance to dump me while minimizing team repercussions. My head reeled at how quickly he’d embraced the opportunity.
Confusion and hurt paralyzed me for the first day or two, but I wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity and give Banks the satisfaction of knowing I missed him.
How had I misjudged things so completely? At times, I’d believed he had feelings for me. His wager of making this real had given me false hope. I didn’t understand why he’d done that, but I guess his motives didn’t matter now.
My heart had taken a beating after Rick’s departure, but the pain was nothing compared to the black hole Banks’s absence left inside me.
I agreed to meet with Rick and discuss the job. He rescheduled until Monday as he had a change of plans and wasn’t available. Annoyed by being put off when he’d been so insistent the prior evening, I sucked it up and forced myself to wait.
I met him after seven that night at the Place to hear what he had to say.
“Jessie, I’m so glad you’re taking the position.”
I balked, annoyed by his assumption. “I haven’t made any decision yet. I want to hear what the job entails. What is the position exactly?” I took a sip of water and waited. He’d been very vague, and I was suspicious. The temptation to accept whatever he’d offer was tempered by the knowledge that I deserved to be on an equal footing with the men and treated the same. I wasn’t going to take a token position just so Tyee could brag about having a female coach on their men’s team. I deserved better, and damn it, I would demand it.
Besting Banks in our little competition had boosted my self-esteem. I’d had an epiphany, and I wasn’t going to allow my colleagues to undermine or discount my abilities any longer. If I stayed with the Sockeyes, I’d discuss my frustrations and options with management. No more would I allow others to push me around.
Rick scowled, obviously annoyed. “This is the chance of a lifetime, and you’re being picky?”
“I’m being selective because I can be.”
He laughed, actually laughed. “You’re a woman. You have to take whatever opportunities come your way. It’s not fair, but it is what it is.”
I sat back and studied him, seeing so many things I hadn’t seen before. He’d always held me back, making me feel grateful for any bone thrown my way. Not anymore. Not this girl. Banks’s words came back to me:Gender shouldn’t have any bearing. Demand your just due. Insist on being treated like any man in your position would be treated.
Rick huffed as if tired of this conversation. “The position has growth potential.” He graced me with one of his brilliant smiles that usually had me melting into a puddle on the floor and willing to do anything he asked of me, but this time I didn’t melt or feel the willingness to please him.
“What does that mean?” Suspicions rose within me. He didn’t make sense. “Do you have a coaching opening or not?”
“Well, yeah,” he hedged, distinctly uncomfortable.
“And what’s the opening?”
“Jessie.” He leaned forward across the table and grasped my hands. I tried to pull them away, but he held on tight. “When I said I wanted a break, I needed time to get my head on straight. Our relationship had gone stale.”
I stiffened and jerked my hands out of his hold, placing them in my lap.
“It wasn’t you. It was me,” he said.
“Where’ve I heard this before?” I muttered bitterly. “I’m here to talk about a coaching position, not about us because there is no us.”
“You’re trying to get even because I hurt you.”
“You did hurt me, but my interest in getting even has long passed. You can’t hurt me anymore. I see you for who you are, and I’m not interested in anything other than a professional relationship.” If I even wanted that. “I’m asking you one more time. What is the position?”
Rick wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Assistant coach. I told you that. You’ll help coach the forwards under my assistant Josh Brandlon.”
“Josh? I have way more skills and experience than him. Why am I answering to him? Why isn’t he answering to me?”
Rick ignored my question. “I’m offering you an opportunity very few get. Why are you being so ungrateful?”
