Page 12 of Secret Obsession
But she doesn’t respond, and it sinks in that she’s not. I shift, my mouth opening and closing.
I banish the anxiety winding through me at the thought of having to face all my friends, who are allon the dance team. Well, except Violet. She got out at the right time, I guess.
“You’re fucking serious?” I ask, just… I don’t know, to dig the knife in deeper?
Too soon, Willow.
“I’m so sorry,” Amanda says. “This was a really tough decision—”
“And my breakup with Knox had nothing to do with it.”
Silence.
My jaw drops at her inability to even deny it. The fucking audacity of them. Except, I have no idea if that’s a Knox thing, a Miles thing, or a… a… I don’t know who. A dance team thing? Did they rally together to kick me out? Did they think I’d be depressed? Or an embarrassment? We’ve already confirmed that I’ve been made out to be a fool.
Bitches.
I hang up on her and throw my phone into the passenger seat. I open my door and step out into the parking lot. The snow crunches under my boots, but it doesn’t deter me from taking the narrow path to the Point.
Violet and I jumped off it last summer with Greyson and Knox and Miles. Of course Miles was there, his stare on me so fucking heavy all the time. It’s not like I didn’t notice him. And it’s not like he didn’t make himself… noticed. But what was I supposed to do?
Who wants to date in college?
Who wants to settle downinschool? To have to be accountable to someone other than myself? I know that sounds fucking selfish, itfeelsselfish. But I was nineteen, then twenty. I turned twenty-one over the summer, and it’s only added to the untethered feeling.
I just want to feel something.
So, I stand on the Point’s ledge, with the freezing wind whipping powdery snow up around me, and spread my arms out wide.
I just want to be free.
Far below, the surface of the lake is frozen solid. A fall—or jump—at this height would probably break my legs. Or worse. I lean forward and peer down, but it’s all just a haze of white.
A car pulls into the parking lot, but I don’t lower my arms. Not until footsteps draw closer, and my best friend comes up beside me. Not quite as close to the edge, but close enough to reach me.
As predicted, she grabs my arm and tows me backward.
I tear my gaze from the endless abyss and face her, stumbling with her until we’re not in danger of tumbling off the Point.
“What happened?” Violet pulls a tissue from her pocket and swipes at my face.
Bile rises in my throat.
The blood from Miles’ hand…
Oh God, I didn’t wash it off.
“Miles,” I manage, and then I stagger sideways. I fall to my knees and throw up in the snow. In a weird way, the purge feels good. Like I’m getting rid of everything from last night and this morning.
But puking doesn’t eradicate the images that flash behind my eyelids.
“What did Miles do?” Violet asks, gathering my hair back.
It barely fits in a little ponytail at the nape of my neck, so I usually have to get creative. Nothing I had time for this morning.
“He—” I press my lips together. “I can’t go back to my apartment.”
She takes in my expression and nods once. Her hand under my elbow helps me rise, and we go to her car. Fuck my car and my phone, they feel as complicit in my guilt as me. Which makes no sense, but I also don’t object to leaving both there. Violet snatches the keys from my ignition and locks it, then shepherds me to her passenger door.
