Page 53 of Offensive Edge
“I’m nervous about this,” Theo admitted. Rowan wasn’t used to seeing Theo’s confidence in bed waver.
“I’m not.”
“No?”
“Well, not emotionally.” There was something in him that knew that Theo was his boy. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt there. He was a little nervous about the actual sex part, but sex made him anxious in general. He wanted it. He wished he could just be a little more chill about it.
Theo dropped his arms and pulled him into a kiss. It was a soft, calm, reassuring kiss. When he’d been a teenager and his life had boiled down to hockey and Theo, he had worried that he would miss out on all the other things his teammates seemed concerned about. Going to parties, and getting a cool car, and upping their body count.
As an adult, his teammates’ interests expanded in an age-appropriate way. Getting married, having kids, buying the newest golf clubs, gadget, or designer clothing item. He had tried, in the years he spent without Theo, to fill that hole in his heart with buying things—hence his big house in Texas he was still struggling to sell.
But sometimes there was wisdom in the priorities you have when you’re young, before life becomes complicated. At the moment, his life had slotted back to hockey and Theo, and he felt balanced, whole, and calm for the first time as an adult.
“Why are you nervous?” he asked, grabbing Theo’s shirt on either side of his waist and pulling him in even closer. He wanted to be closer to Theo than he ever had been to anyone.
“Because,” he said, pressing his forehead to Rowan’s, “I want to make sure it’s perfect for you.”
“It’s you, Teddy. It will be perfect.” The way Theo looked at him now made his stomach leap. Rowan was used to being desired because he was useful or talented. He was used to feeling like a piece of meat up for sale. If he woke up tomorrow and suddenly sucked at hockey, he’d be dropped from the league as soon as he contractually could be. He also knew that Theo wouldn’t look at him any differently than he was now. Theo was the only person who knew him.
Theo took a deep breath, then picked Rowan up under his ass and spun him around as Rowan scrambled to hold on to him. There was his confident Theo. Rowan held the sides of his face as he kissed him, and being in Theo’s arms like this made him feel like he was well on the way to the feeling of closeness he had been craving.
Theo placed Rowan on the bed gently, and pulled his own shirt over his head, then got rid of his pants and socks, too. Rowan just watched, propped up on his elbows, half for the show, and half because he wondered if waiting to strip would mean Theo would take his clothes off for him.
He didn’t have to wait long until he got his wish, as Theo hooked fingers into the waistband of Rowan’s sweats.
“Commando,” he said appreciatively. “I hoped that was what was going on under there.”
“Were you looking?” Rowan asked, kind of hoping he would say yes.
“I’m always looking, baby.”
It felt good to hear him say that. Theo’s attention had always felt different from everyone else’s. Potent. Important. Like he was seeing more of Rowan than anyone else ever did. Rowan was just getting hard as Theo helped him out of his shirt, then pushed his own underwear down.
By now, Rowan felt comfortable in Theo’s bed, both the one he was currently in at home, and the metaphorical, changing hotel bed Rowan had found himself in with Theo a lot in the last few weeks. He didn’t know how Theo could do casual hookups. He didn’t care that Theo had a history, and he didn’t. He just didn’t understand even wanting to have sex with someone he didn’t feel this safe with.
“Do you want me to walk you through this, or is that patronizing?”
“No, I want to know what you’re doing.” Rowan pushed the comforter out of the way so he could settle in bed.
“Well, first I’m going to kiss you.” Theo’s big body bounced on the mattress as he stretched out next to Rowan. He put one hand on Rowan’s jaw, guiding Rowan right where he wanted him. This was the shit he loved—when Theo took charge.
When Rowan pushed his body against Theo’s, Theo took it as the invitation it was and pushed Rowan onto his back. “Beautiful boy.”
Theo still had one big hand on Rowan’s cheek, touching him like he was delicate. Like he was there to take care of Rowan.
“Next, we have to open you up. How do you want to do this? On your back or on your belly?”
It was a big decision. Watching Theo’s every move might make things more nerve-racking. Not being able to see him could make him feel far away when he wanted Theo to feel close.
“You can start one way and flip over at any time,” Theo said, reading the uncertainty on Rowan’s face.
“Okay. I’ll flip over.” He settled on his stomach, holding a pillow to his chest, as Theo found lube in his side table. Rowan took a deep breath.
“We’re going to go super slow, alright?”
“Okay.”
“Here we go,” Theo said, giving him a little warning before his warm hands spread Rowan’s cheeks apart. Rowan thought his gasp when he felt Theo’s wet finger was inaudible, but Theo soothed him by running a warm hand across the curve of one of his ass cheeks.
