Page 73 of Anger Bang
She was going to make an absolute fool of herself in front of the entire world, and there was no way her colleagues would miss it.
She was… Well, it didn’t matter because she was going to do it anyway.
Gathering her strength, she settled her shoulders, lifted her chin, and caught her gaze on Kade. The man was glowering at Justine, but he must have felt Thea looking at him, because his attention moved over to hers. The absolute unbending strength and dawning understanding in that look almost knocked her to her knees.
For half a heartbeat, she thought she might melt into a puddle of Oh-my-God-I-am-so-falling-for-you. Then, his expression changed. He lost the avenging-badass expression and gave her that crooked grin of his—the one that she never saw him give anyone else, not even Dex.
That’s when she knew for sure it wasn’t a case ofifshe’d melt butwhen—and if she’d ever be able to put herself back together again.
But she didn’t care.
She didn’t want to fawn or freeze or fight or run as far and fast as her feet would take her. She just wanted to help her sister—and tell Kade St. James everything.
Before she could open her mouth, though, he pivoted and turned his attention back to Justine.
“I’ll talk to my mom,” he said, glancing over to his mom, who gave a quick nod. “On camera. No restrictions.”
Justine went bug-eyed.
“But it has to happen right now. Live.”
The producer didn’t say a word. She just pointed a finger at the boom operator, who got into place. When Angus didn’t jump into position fast enough, she let out a low growl. The cameraman grumbled under his breath but got ready for the shot.
Justine morphed from on-the-edge to all business in a millisecond. It was impressive, actually. “In five, four, three—”
Thea looked over at Kade, and warmth bloomed in her chest, heating her down to her toes, because she knew exactly what he was doing. Just like that first night when she’d asked him if he wanted to go have an anger bang, he’d come to her rescue again.
The truth of it was, Thea didn’t need to know how he ate his eggs or or what his go-to song was for singing in the shower. She knew his heart.
Chapter Thirty-Two
That look on Thea’s face—the agony mixed with embarrassment and determination to do it anyway—it’s what had gotten him that first night, and it was exactly why he was about to do the last thing anyone had expected. Including himself.
Turning away from Thea, he looked over at his mom. The woman should be terrified. She had no idea what he was going to say after he’d fought against talking to her on camera for so long. Then there was how they’d left things yesterday. He wouldn’t blame her if she was mentally prepping for war.
But instead, she looked proud as she smiled and gave him an encouraging nod.
His gut cramped up and sweat popped out along his hairline as everyone in the RV watched him. The tug to look over at Thea, to reach out to her, was nearly overwhelming, but he held firm. He’d made this stupid move so she wouldn’t have to do the thing she hated and be the center of attention. The last thing he wanted was to drag her into it.
Man the fuck up, St. James.
Bracing himself, he focused his attention on his mom and just started talking, all of the words he’d been holding back for years pouring out of him.
“You just left,” he said, feeling as unsure as the teenage boy he’d been when he came home that day. “I went to my friend’s house to go swim, and when I got back you were just gone. There wasn’t a note. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I had no idea where you were.” In an instant, he was back to that day, trying to unravel a knot while his hands were tied behind his back. “Dex stopped speaking. Dad couldn’t stop yelling. And my life changed forever.” It hadn’t happened right away. He’d held on to the hope that his mom would come back, but finally, he’d accepted the truth—and as soon as he had, the world became smaller and darker and less trustworthy. “Ever since that day, I’ve done everything I could to make sure that no one would ever have the power to break me when they left again.”
His mom lifted her hand to her pursed lips as she looked away, blinking rapidly. Then she walked over to him, stopping just outside of his personal bubble, as if she wasn’t sure if it would do more harm to hug him or to stay back.
“Oh, Kade, I’m so sorry,” she said, reaching out her hands and letting them hover in the air between them. “For the drinking I couldn’t control. For the way I left. For the fact that I gave up on being in your life until it was too late. I have made so many mistakes, but the one thing I never did was stop loving you or your brother—even when I couldn’t find it in my heart to love myself.” She let her head drop as her shoulders shook with silent tears.
Kade knew he should say something to ease her pain, tell this woman in obvious agony that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t yet. He still hurt too bad. Dragging each word past the gravel in his throat, he finally asked the one question the fourteen-year-old in him still needed to know. “How could you leave me, Mom? I was just a kid, and I still needed you.”
When she looked up at him again, tears were flowing unchecked down her cheeks. “Addiction can be a vicious cycle, Kade. I hated myself for not being able to choose anything over my next drink, then drank to forget how much I hated myself for making the choice that I did. And I knew I couldn’t stop the cycle alone. I needed help.” She swiped a hand across her cheeks. “But I want you to know that I didn’t leave you or your brother that day. What I left behind was a mother who chose her next drink over her son’s soccer game—so I could become the mother you really deserved, whocouldstay when you needed her most. I know I have too much to make up to you, but I really hope you can give me another chance, son.”
He flinched back as if she’d burned him with her plea even as he blinked the moisture from his eyes.
“Let’s just take this one step at a time,” he said, willing himself not to close up completely—not again. “I don’t know that I’m ready for you to be in my life full-time. I’m not sure I can do that yet.”
“That’s fair, but as a sort of good faith contribution to this relationship, can I offer you a piece of advice from someone who learned this the hard way?”
