Page 60 of Anger Bang
“If it’s easier, don’t think of me as your mom,” she said without flinching. “Just think of me as some random person if you want.”
“It’s who you are.”
Now she flinched, jerking back before regaining her calm demeanor that probably went half an inch deep, considering how hard and fast she was blinking away the moisture in her eyes.
Way to go, St. James. You are a real asshole. The woman is just trying to make a connection. Would it kill you to not be yourself for five minutes?
No. Yes. He didn’t fucking know.
“And anyway, I don’t have anything to talk about,” he grumbled, falling back into his old surly habits. “Everything is fine. I have a dog. A great house. Book contracts that are going to keep me busy for the foreseeable future. I have the perfect life.”
His mom sighed and looked at him as if he wasn’t the son who’d brought home straight As every school year. “Except you’re going to leave here in forty-eight hours, and you’ll be going back to that life alone.” Her expression softened, and her lips curled into a sympathetic smile. “I see how close you’re getting with Thea. The whole world can see it. You do realize that all of the sneaking away you and Thea have been doing has been well documented.”
He groaned. “That’s not true.”
“Really?” she scoffed as she swiped her phone off the lock screen and pulled up a Google search of Kade’s name.
It used to be that the first hundred or so hits were all about his books, followed by links for some poor guy trying to make it as a children’s party clown that happened to have the same name. He’d gotten a few of the emails meant for the clown and had to explain that a true-crime writer was probably the last form of entertainment they wanted for little Suzie’s fifth birthday party.
Now, though, it was just page after page of Reddit threads, blog posts, and social media conversations about him and Thea. There were grainy pictures from long shots of them holding hands, GIFs of them kissing, memes of him looking at Thea with so much want on his face it gave Kade secondhand embarrassment even though the pic was of him.
His brain struggled to catch up as he tried to work out what in the fuck was happening. Yeah, he knew that first night with Thea had gotten attention just because of the unexpectedness of it. But people had to have forgotten about them. There were actual people who made regular appearances on red carpets here. It made absolutely no sensewhypeople would care about him and Thea.
“I know that look,” his mom said with a chuckle. “People know the real thing when they see it. You two are everywhere online. The ratings are through the roof for the live stream. People are rooting for you two. My question is, what are you going to do about it?”
His lungs tightened, and all of a sudden it was like he was trapped in a dark room feeling little creepy-crawly things climb all over him. He needed to itch. He wanted to fling his mom’s phone across the room. And if he was feeling like that, Thea was going to have an even stronger reaction. The woman despised being the center of attention. She was not going to like this—not in the least little bit.
“Do about it?” he whisper-shouted. “Nothing. It’s no one’s business, and these people are creepy as fuck for caring so much.”
“I’m not talking about them.” She grimaced and let out a calming breath before talking again in the slow, too casual tone used for small kids or too-stubborn-to-understand adults. “I’m asking aboutyou. What areyougoing to do about Thea?”
His mouth went dry as his stomach churned, sending what felt like battery acid mixed with lava swirling around inside him. He handed over her phone with the care of a man holding a live grenade.
“We’re just having fun,” he said, fighting to keep his tone even, unbothered, because if any of what he was feeling slipped through, he wouldn’t be able to stop it from all rushing out. “It’s a fling.” He swallowed past the anticipatory hurt that would swamp him when Thea walked away. “We’re just banging with an expiration date.” He looked over and saw that his mom’s cheeks were red with embarrassment. “Sorry, Mom.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m just some random person, remember?”
“So what would your advice be?” He fisted his hands, needing to do something to keep them from shaking as hard as his leg was jiggling under the table.
Something sad filled his mom’s eyes as she watched him for a few seconds before speaking. “Well, as someone who has made more than her fair share of mistakes—including some that I’m going to regret for the rest of my life—all I can tell you is that this life is hard. It is unfair and cruel, and you seldom get what you want out of it.”
“Now I see where I get my cheerful outlook from,” he said, deflecting to self-deprecating humor as his breathing kicked it up into running-from-zombies levels.
She chuckled, her whole face lighting up.
“But that’s it.” She reached across the table and laid her hand on his, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “That’s what makes even opening yourself up to falling in love such an act of absolute badassery. Showing people how you feel. Giving folks a chance. Trusting someone not to heart-stomp you. It is the scariest thing you can do, but it is so incredibly worth it. Don’t take the easy choice. Don’t walk away.”
But that was the thing. He didn’t walk away. Other people did. He stayed in the same fucking place, and everyone else left. His mom when he was young. His dad was emotionally gone even if the bastard made a point of staying physically for years until his death. His brother who wanted to get away from everything so badly that he got the one job that required him to be someone—anyone—else than Kade’s little brother.
And now Thea. Even if she wasn’t gone yet, she would be as soon as the wedding was over. It shouldn’t matter. They’d only known each other a few days, but the sad fucking truth of the matter was it did. It mattered a lot.
He was holding on by the skin of his teeth, trying to find something to focus on that wasn’t his impending doom, when he spotted it and everything went from hot, sticky panic to an icy numbness.
One of the cameras on the other picnic table had a red light on above the lens. Whether it was being operated by remote or had been left on, their entire little conversation had been recorded. No doubt it wasn’t being live streamed already—it would be a part of the edited version of the show later. Like a chump, he’d forgotten that his mom was here for her redemption arc, not because she actually gave a shit.
You stupid fucking dumb-ass, St. James.
Shoving back from the table, he fell back into that safe place—the one where no one and nothing could touch him. The place where he didn’t give a shit about anything.
