Page 43 of Lies You Told
Shit. What am I thinking? We agreed to keep this quiet, whatever this is between us. But I need Jax. I need a Dom right now!
I pull up the HiddenSecrets app and find our private chat. Staring at it, like it’s going to open itself, all on its own magically.
CL: I need you.
I type and re-type the message what feels like a hundred times, with my back flat against the concrete wall. My chest is closing like I’m in the middle of a panic attack. I look up from my phone, and the sidewalk is full of people just going about their day. It’s been so long since a panic attack like this has taken over my body.
My phone buzzes, letting me know he’s messaged me back. I’ve never been more thankful than I am right now that Jax works so close to my building.
JH: (wink emoji) You need me, huh?
Despite the tight feeling in my chest, Jax still manages to bring a smile to my face. With shaking hands, I slowly type into my phone.
CL: I’m around the corner from your office. I think I’m having a panic attack.
As soon as I hit send, I feel stupid and want to take it back. But my phone is buzzing and ringing in my hand before I have time to delete the message. Jaxson Hill, in large letters, is on the screen.
“Where are you?” he asks, concern in his voice before I can even get a single word out.
“Outside a flower shop around the corner from…”
“I know the one you mean. Don’t move!” He’s using his Dom voice again. He makes my body tingle with excitement, and I can’t turn it off when he uses that voice, even if I was panicking a moment ago.
I put my phone back in my purse and close my eyes, my head still resting back against the wall.
I sense him near me without even opening my eyes. He pulls me into his arms, and I don’t try to struggle. I breathe him in, my head resting perfectly on his chest. Taking in the scent of a man I’m quickly falling for. I feel his heartbeat beating a little quicker than usual, probably in his rush to get to me.
He holds onto my face, his fingers across my jawline, holding me in place so that I look into his eyes. I close my eyes, not wanting him to see that I’m fighting a million different feelings.
“Open,” he says in his demanding voice. That really is just Jax’s usual voice. I guess he’s in Dom mode more than I realized around me.
My eyes fly open as I bite my bottom lip. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, but Jax has made me feel like it’s okay to be vulnerable in the short time we've spent together. It’s okay to let go. That it’s okay if I don’t always have my shit together.
He hails a cab, and we’re in the back of it in no time. We still haven’t spoken, but his body is in protective mode, as if he knows I need him to be there for me. My gaze falls to the window, and I look out of it, still not saying anything.
The journey is short–the joys of neither of us wanting to live too far away from where we work. I see he’s brought me to my apartment, and without even realizing it, he’s taken me to the one place I wanted him to take me. Well, apart from maybe Hidden Secrets. But subconsciously, I think I wanted him to bring me here.
I take his hand, and I feel his eyes on me. Looking out of the corner of my eye, I see a faint glimpse of a smile. I squeeze my fingers between his, and he squeezes them back.
“I’m sorry for pulling you out of work. I feel silly about it now.” I say, opening the door.
“Never feel like you can’t call on me. I’m glad your first thought was to come to me.”
I look at him, confused. “Who else would I call?”
“Kieran.”
I breathe out a loud breath. “Kieran?” I’m confused. I’d never dream of contacting Kieran in the middle of the day. Usually, I’d be bottling stuff up right about now and planning on going to Hidden Secrets. “I know you…”
“He’s a friend. A good friend but…” He’s right, though. I have been using Hidden Secrets as a crutch, which is unhealthy. I can’t help but think that some of the changes at HS are to help people like me. I can’t be the only one. I need to start lowering some of these thick walls I’ve erected over the last decade.
“I’m glad you called. But I don’t know what’s got you like this.” He says the last part, frantically moving his arms.
“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing now,” I say, sitting on my couch. “My assistant said something, and I thought he was better than that. Better than everyone else in that place. I guess I was wrong. I just started walking. And my walking ended up.”
“At my building,” he smiles.
“Yeah.” I smile, looking at him as he sits down in the chair opposite my glass coffee table, the only thing between us.
