Page 32 of Lies You Told
He nods, then moves out of view. He returns with two empty glasses and a bottle of wine, one of my favorites. I watch as he pours our wine, and the silence is deafening.
“I, er, I’m glad you wanted to do this.”
“Me too,” I whisper, my eyes lowering to my knees.
“God, you are such a natural. I can’t believe I never noticed it before.”
I relax on the couch, turning to face him. It's not easy to get comfortable in the skirt I wore, even if it did make my ass look great all day. He sits next to me, turning on his side, so we face each other. His arm is resting on the back of the couch.
“Maybe because you weren’t looking at me in that way.”
“Oh, I was, believe me!” It’s not the first time he’s alluded to having had a crush on me in college.
He runs his thumb over my hand, an electric feeling between us, like a shock. Man, am I in trouble!
“I need to ask you something. I don’t need the answer now. But eventually, I’m going to want to know.”
I’ve been waiting for this. Kieran had said the same. With Jaxson, though, I don’t want to hide. Even if everything about our ‘relationship’ over more than a decade tells me, I should be. He’s been nothing but a good guy since I word-vomited in Jacob’s office.
“I need to feel pain.” I pause. I know he’s not going to judge me. “When I’m emotional. I can’t let go unless I feel the pain first. It’s the only way I can let go. I don’t know why. I haven’t always been like this. But since…” My words trail off, and I’m not sure I want to share more with him. It’s more than I share with most people, though.
He listens to what I say. I can read his face, but I can see he’s taking in this new information. Processing what I’ve just said to him. Like I’m some puzzle, but he doesn’t look angry. It’s so passive. “Does that mean sexually as well?” He asks as he sips his wine. His eyes stay on me as he licks some droplets of wine off his bottom lip.
“Sexually, not always, though I do love the pain sometimes. Emotionally, when I’m in my own head, I’m a masochist; that is when I need the pain. The only time I’ve been able to cry since that day is if it’s the result of pain..” I let that sink in for a minute while I watch him continue the soothing touches of his thumb on my hand. Not once during my time talking did his movements waiver. How could I have been so wrong about him all these years?
“When?” He asks, again stroking. It’s the most soothing thing to me right now. I don’t need him to elaborate more. I know what he’s asking me. It’s strange to be this in tune with someone, someone who is completely different from the man I thought he was.
“Just after we graduated. About a month after Franchesca’s wedding.” I look at him, and I'm ready for him to interrupt. But nothing. He just sits there, stroking my hand, keeping me relaxed. Soothing me with his strokes. “I knew about these kinds of places. I just thought they were limited to romance books and TV. Long story short, it opened my eyes to a whole new world. When I moved to New York, I looked into them. It took me some time to realize that not all places are as safe as Hidden Secrets. Like this one place, I went to in Staten Island.” My body shivers at the thought of that place. “I was a member before Kate and Mike took over. I was a member of the old club for about seven years.”
“It’s exclusive,” is all he says. I know he’s not implying anything by it. I can see it in his eyes and the tone of his voice.
“Greyson pays me very well and keeps me very busy.” I smile at him weakly. “It’s strictly professional. I’m where I am because of him.”
“I know. He loves you like a daughter.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“He does. What he did to protect you, he’s kept tabs on him ever since.”
“How do you know?” I'm confused but too surprised to hear this about Greyson. He was so angry when he found out.
“I did some poking around. I wanted to make sure you were safe. That other people were safe.”
“You did that for me?” I should be surprised, but for some reason, I’m not. Since he found out about the past, everything he has done has been a bit surprising, but for some reason, it seems right for the kind of man I am starting to see him as.
“Yeah.”
I take a large gulp of my wine that’s been abandoned on the table. “Can we move on from this?”
“Of course.”
He moves in to kiss me, and I hold on to the side of his head. My fingers are in his hair. It’s been a while since I’ve kissed a guy on the lips. It is way too intimate for ‘play’ at the club. I moan into his mouth as his tongue pushes past my lips, the taste of wine on his tongue.
He runs his fingers through my hair, and my whole body tingles with excitement, especially my pussy. He scratches at the scalp, and it’s as if his doing that has a direct line to other parts of my body. I grip onto him, mirroring my grip on his hair.
My pussy clenches again at the small tug.
As we deepen the kiss, we moan in unison, and he moves even more into my personal space. Now I’m not enjoying the tight skirt I’m wearing. I groan as I move to try to get comfortable. But I’m fighting a losing battle. As if reading my mind, Jaxson moves his hands from my head and down to my skirt, hiking it up little by little.
