Page 60 of Seasons of Love
"Will you make me rise from the dead to stop your stupid arguments?"
"Hey, Ted." I stepped closer to the bed and took his hand in mine. He squeezed it tight, his hand trembling.
"Hey, son, you lookin’ good."
I smiled. "I wish I could say the same about you. You look like shit."
He laughed and then coughed until he got his breathing back again.
"Mike, will you give us a moment?" Ted asked.
Mike frowned at me. I knew he wanted to argue.
"I promise not to die in the next ten minutes," Ted said when Mike didn't move.
"Jesus Christ, Ted. This isn't funny."
"I disagree. Now scoot, I need a word with my boy."
"Why do I feel like I'm going to have my ass handed to me?" I said as Mike stepped out of the room.
Ted smiled, his eyes scanning my face as if he were trying to remember what I looked like.
"I'm sorry I didn't—"
He raised his hand to stop me.
"Son, when time is in short supply there's no need for apologies or regrets. It is what it is."
I nodded.
"Tell me something, son. Did I help you? Did I do the right thing?"
Tears ran down my face, and I didn't even bother to stop them or pretend they weren't there. Sometimes it was okay to think you're too fucking old to care about crying in front of someone else.
"Ted, you gave me a future. You could have said no to your friend, and I'll never understand why you'd put your life at risk for a nobody like me, but there isn't enough gratitude in the world for what you did to me."
"Let me tell you a little story. Before I married my darling Rose, I was a bit of a player. I got my first bike at fifteen, and in those days, you could do what you liked. So I saved up some money to go traveling the country. My mom and dad weren't too pleased, but I promised I'd come back and take over the business. So, at eighteen, I left. Traveled all the way to the west coast and then followed the ocean north. You're staring at a wrinkly old man now, but I tell you, I was quite the catch back then. Never had any problem getting girls or boys."
He stopped to catch his breath.
"You're bi?"
"Don't be so surprised, son. Remember Walter? The army friend who lived with me for a few years?"
I laughed. "He wasn't just your army friend?"
"That man saved me from spending the rest of my life grieving for my Rose."
I couldn't believe it. Walter had lived with Ted for five years and there was never any indication they were more than just friends. Considering Mike and I were together, I didn't think coming out would have been an issue. Then again, Ted had always been quite private with his life.
"Anyway, back to the early days. I met Nico at a party. We hit it off immediately and he came traveling with me. We both knew our relationship was only temporary because I had to come back to Atlanta, and he had to get back to Seattle. We parted on friendly terms and kept writing to each other for years after that. He became my best friend. He knew Rose and I struggled to conceive, and I lost all hope of becoming a father when she was taken from me too young."
Ted told me the story as if he was recounting someone else's life. How could he be so measured when inside my heart was breaking with each word he spoke?
"He gave you a son," I said. My words choked as I said them. "He gave me to you."
"That's right. It wasn't the intention, I guess. He knew I ran a business and could use a hand, and he trusted me to keep your secret and keep you safe. You became my son when you told my horndog of a nephew to take a hike unless you could tell me about you two. That was the kind of respect you showed a parent. That was when you became my son."
